Grovers Corners

Shooting from the Hip

2009-12-13T14:47:00.003-05:00

UG. I know it's been a while, you don't have to tell me! I go through these FUNKS where I just stop blogging. I don't really know why - I am just "over" blogging. Then I'm out of the funk and I want to blog again. I can't say that I am out, but I am on my way at least. I don't really care so much about this stupid blog, but I need to better about the kids' blog. sigh.

ANYWHO. I have recently been hardcore following a blog called hip2save. I have had a few of my friends mention it to me over the months, but I just haven't gotten around to really looking. Well this week I did. ha ha ha. The deals are aMAzing! I was mostly interested in her coupon codes for Victoria Secret and that type stuff. But I started noticing she blogs about all the coupons and rewards you can get at local drugstores. After researching I decided to try it - more for kicks than anything else.....but save a bundle never hurts either right?

So today (by MYSELF with BOTH kids in tow nonetheless) I went to Walgreens and tried my first little coupon dealio. Yes, I also use coups at the drugstore and whatnot, but to really go search out coupons and local deals just frankly takes too much time that I don't have. But H2S has them all in one place so it's easy!! apparently "WAGS" is known for being sorta mean to couponers....so I went ready to have everyone get grouchy with me. Luckily, that did NOT end up being the case at all.

So here is my SUPER DORKY post (with a pic nonetheless!!!) of my booty. I purchased: Tissue Paper, Hair Dye, Huggies, Two tubs of Benefiber, 2 Oil of Olay Body Washes, Johnson and Johnson baby wash,2 Oil of Olay Lotions, a Nivea after shaving balm (for the Hubs), and a Nivea facewash for men that my husband will feel too masculine to use that I will end up using and smelling like a man for two months and then when he comes in to kiss me he'll ask me why I smell like a man and I'll tell him that it's because he won't use the facewash I bought him that I am now using so it doesn't go to waste. BUT I digress......

My original Total was 115.99 before tax. My total after all my coups was roughly $66.00 (before tax) BUT There is also an Oil of Olay rebate going on which I have already filled out and have ready to go - for TWENTY BUCKS...bringing my total down to 46 bucks. I also got 11 dollars in Register Rewards (a coup that you use just like cash on your next visit)! WHOO HOO!

I am SO MORTIFIED that I am this excited about coupons.UG. I have now met every single stereotype of a Stay at home mom. O well. At least with all that lotion I'll be very moist this winter!

Aha! Moment.

2009-09-16T20:53:00.002-04:00

I'm not like the biggest Oprah fan in the world, but I do like her phrase "Aha moment." I had one not too long ago.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That is my harp playing, wavy screen inducing flashback symbol......

I've always said I wanted to write a memoir. I love to write, but don't have the patience to write a "real" book, though I've started many. But I'd have to call my memoir "Spins and Giggles" because the older I get the easier I see my life was as a child. My mom stayed at home raising all of us, I was the SURPRISE baby that the Doctors said she'd never have. My memories of my childhood literally consist of making cookies with my mom, and my dad pushing me on the tire swing in the back yard. We weren't rich, but we didn't go without. Because I am 10 and 12 years younger than my 3 older siblings I was spoiled rotten by all of them as well. I went to a tiny private school, have never ridden a school bus to school in my life, and took piano, ice skating, trumpet (yes trumpet) lessons. Life was easy peasy.

But there was one aspect in which my life was very different than others'. My parents did foster care. From the time I was old enough to remember, I remember a revolving door of siblings - coming and going. Social workers and policemen were just part of my upbringing. One day my parents would sit us down and tell us we were going to have a new brother/sister and within a few days - there they were. Usually a girl, and usually around my age. I loved having a playmate and was mostly ok with change, though I'm sure I vied pretty hard for my parents' attention. But, usually, just as quickly... my sister would go. We'd have maybe a week's notice, and the sister I had for the past 2 weeks/8 months/3 years would be gone.....and that was it.

Anyone who knows me at all knows I am HORRIBLY over-sensitive. Anyone who has known me for a long time knows that I've made significant strides since I was younger. So to me - the emotive, left brained, heart on her sleeve, make best friends in a day, deathly loyal person - would "lose" a sister in a week and it was so heartbreaking. I would see my parents trying to be strong, but I could tell that there were tears shed by them as well. I couldn't understand why on earth, someone would put themselves through that more than once. It was awful. What I did learn early on, despite my white-bread world, was that life was rough. That not everyone had parents who had been married for 25 years, who ate dinner together every single night, or shlepped to their child's volleyball game even though she had no hope of doing anything else besides heating up the bench. I saw children come into our home with a vast array and rainbow of hurt. I learned at six that I was one. lucky. stiff.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I still railed against my parents' rules and couldn't beLIEVE I had to be home at ten o clock and some such... but I always knew that deep down inside - I was living a dream.

When I reached High School age, my parents decided, for a vast array of reasons, to discontinue being foster care parents. I won't lie and say that I wasn't glad to once again have my parents' exclusive attention. (Can you plough the depths of my shallowness?) The older I got, the more hazy my memories became of my "different" childhood, and when I shared it with people I was always surprised at their near-obsessive interest. To me it was just the "norm." The one question I always got, was if I was going to follow in my parents' footsteps. I think my hysterical laughter answered that one straightway. Who would knowingly welcome extra tears, pain, and goodbyes into their life? Not I!

I wasn't expecting to become a parent. I was NOT one of those people who worked in the nursery at church, and babysat all the time... I didn't really like kids. Teenagers - oh I'll take them by the dozen! But little kids gave me the heebs. I was that lady in the restaurant giving your child the evil eye when they wouldn't stop screaming. But - I did become a parent - twice over even!

I remember about a year after Madeline was born, Steve and I were finishing our evening ritual of watching the ten o' clock news before going to sleep. There was a story about a baby almost exactly Madeline's age who had been left in her crib, in her carseat for 3 days. By the time the police were contacted the baby was barely alive. (I am being extremely kind in not going into graphic detail.) I listened in horror as they described how long the baby must have cried, how desperately hungry she was - how loudly she must have screamed to finally get the neighbors' attention.

I was beside myself in tears. I remember turning to my husband and saying, "Don't you just want to go get that baby, and just hold her for hours straight? To give her a nice warm bath and soft clothes - to snuggle her and sing to her and give her all the love that she was denied? Just tell her that for as long as she's in your house she will never want for anything?"

Aha!

I am so bored I don't have enough to do!

2009-09-14T15:04:00.001-04:00

So I came up with something to occupy my time!

Perspective

2009-09-08T08:19:00.003-04:00

There are two things that strangers always assume wrongly about me:

1. I work out
2. I am a Democrat

Now I don't know which of these is more hilarious to me as I can't really imagine myself doing EITHER one. (OK, I am lying a little because I HAVE been sneaking in some yoga now that I have a zillion pounds of baby weight to lose).

Before Madeline I was pretty thin, so I guess people just assumed that, like most people who were thin, I jogged and elliptical-ed and ate right. Then, they see a day in my life and realize that they couldn't have been more wrong. In fact, prior to my pregnancy my diet consisted mostly of pizza, 1/4 pound fudge from South Bend Chocolate, and Cap'n Crunch. My exercise was occasionally taking the stairs to my second floor job, and the 3 block walk to my downtown office to avoid paying 6 bucks in parking fees - but that was because I was cheap.

Now the Democrat thing....I don't know where people get that. Maybe because I am young?Who was it that said something like "If you're not a Democrat while you're young you don't have a heart, and if you're not a Republican when you're old you don't have a brain." (Thanks to Stephanie my token Donkey friend for sharing that with me BTW) I remember having lunch with a friend of mine from the Center on Philanthropy when I worked for the BBB and we were discussing the upcoming election. When I told him I was a Republican (this of course being before my Libertarian light came on) he about fell out of his chair. It's like he couldn't reconcile it in his brain. Maybe because my job was so heavily involved in community and philanthropy? Well anyway, it was just interesting to me that he (and many others) just assumed I was a Democrat. I can't imagine that I give off that vibe.

Being a mother has brought with it stereotypes of its own. I hate to admit they were the very ones I believed before I had children of my own. One of the biggest being that Stay at Home Moms choose that particular vocation because 1) it was easier 2) they didn't have any other options. HA HA HA. Oh my ignorance...... 1)Can't think of ANY profession that's harder and 2) Um, yes they do....in fact all of the SAHMs I know are college educated, smart, beautiful women who CHOSE to give up their high paying, important, fulfilling jobs. But I hate it when i get the vibe when I tell someone I'm a SAHM and they think I'm doing so cause my gas-station job didn't pan out for me. But I guess that's karma for me!

When Steve and I found out we were pregnant with our second child we both really wanted to try for a VBAC. I had very very strong feelings about my first birth experience and wanted desperately to avoid it the second time round. I did hours upon hours of research on how to take a proactive role in my pregnancy - hiring a doula and crafting a birth plan. When one of my husband's co-workers heard that I wasn't just opting for another C-Section she was surprised. Upon hearing we were hiring a doula she asked my husband if we were going to have a homebirth.

um me? homebirth? HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE hospitals. I love having people bring me delicious food round the clock, I love having a nurse just a beep away if I have any questions. Also, even by ambulance the nearest hospital to me is still quite a while away. Though I have no problem with people opting to have a homebirth - it was just not the choice for me. But I thought that was interesting. She assumed because we were taking a slightly "off the beaten path" approach to having a baby that we would be giving birth to said baby in our very own bathroom. To me those things are about 2308239471987 steps apart.

Oh, and breastfeeding. To me - it's just a normal part of having a baby. No, not everyone chooses to do it, but it's not like the people who did it 30 years ago when hardly anyone did it. But when I shared that I was nursing with an acquaintance of mine she said, "Thats great! I was a third-world mother too!" Which I just assumed meant that breastfeeding was not the norm. Third world? So because I wear my baby in a sling, breastfeed, and occasionally co-sleep - I'm a granola-eating, Birkenstock wearing, recycling, composting, left leaning woman?

I guess I say all this to say .....Does everything have to be one way or the other? Can I not be a Republican who composts and makes her own baby wipes? Don't get me wrong - anyone who knows me well, will tell you I am a black and white, 0 or 100 type person - but I guess I hate being defined by one or two things that I do. I go to church - therefore I must be a crazy hypocritical religious nut, I nursed my children - therefore I must not bathe on a regular basis. (Ok so getting a shower every day is still a lofty goal but you know what I'm trying to say) I'm a Republican therefore I don't care about landfills or the less fortunate. I guess I just hoped that by 2009 we'd all be a little less stereotype- beholden and more..... potpourri.

Toys! Toys! Toys!

2009-08-21T07:54:00.003-04:00

I discovered this blog a while ago and fell in love with what they did.

Random people with sewing talent make little felt stuffed animals and leave them in random places for people to find! It includes a little note that says the animal was hand made and free for them to take home. It encourages them to take a picture with the animal and post it back on the blog. Makes me desperate for some sewing talent!

Her and Me at the Breakfast Table

2009-08-05T20:01:00.002-04:00

One of my greatest fears about having a second baby was that I would lose all that "one on one" time I had come to love with Madeline. I know that having a son will prove to have wonders not known to me before, but having a little girl.....ahhh.....it's just totally different.

Today I had to go down to the Castleton area for a big CL drop. Hmmmmm what to do in Castleton?? SHOP! I haven't ever really taken Madeline to the mall to just walk around and look at things. So I figure there's no time like the present. After packing up the 23457234987-1823492834 things required to take 2 children somewhere we headed out!

I stopped at Walgreens to exchange some diapers and since Jackson's carseat took up the whole of the cart she "had" to walk beside. She did great. She stayed right by the cart, and asked permission to touch things. She walked up and down the toy aisle - eyes agog with the treasures and didn't ask for a thing! She even carried a pack of diapers to the car for me!

We got to the mall and I just didn't know what to expect. Jackson was being a little testy so I always had one hand on him - sticking his pacifier in - stroking his head and she helped by singing "Twinkle Twinkle." I told her that I wanted her to sit in the back, but that she may ask permission to get down. So when I would stop and look around at clothes or shoes she'd ask politely "May I get down and yook Mama?" (I will truly be heartbroken when she can pronounce Ls better) Most times I'd tell her yes, but a few times I told her no and she totally took it in stride. We went upstairs to the girls section and they had a 2.37 cent sale going on so we picked out some tops and shorts together. She was so excited about all her pretty clothes.

I even let her have one of those sugar coated dry roasted almond things that smell up the whole mall. mmmmmmm. She loved it!

We picked out a pair of new sandals and she was so in love with them (and the foot measuring thing) that she wanted to wear them right away! She kept saying "My pretty shooooooes!"

We ventured into the Disney store if for no other reason than I knew she'd get a big kick out of walking through the big Mickey head at the entrance. (she did) As she's never been in the store before her eyes got all big and she quietly walked through the store taking everything in. Seeing all the Nemo paraphernalia got her quite happy. I transferred still fussy Jackson into the sling and told Madeline she could pick out a special cup to have. There was a whole SLEW of them by the checkout complete with snow globe at the bottom. She picked out one with Bolt in the bottom and took it up to the checkout herself and even said "please" when she asked for a bag. (lol) She was beyond thrilled with her cup and I made a special trip to the bathroom to wash it out so she could use it straightway. I told her that Mommy helped her pick it out, but Daddy paid for it. It's important to me that she learn young that Daddy (and Mommy) work hard to give her what she has. Her little heart breaks every morning when he leaves for work, and I try to remind her that Daddy doesn't leave because he wants to, but because he has to work to pay for our food and our house. I don't know how much of it she understands, but I just want her to grow up appreciating what a hard-working father she has. She gets to see me work hard for her, doing laundry and making dinner - but I think the concept of Daddy working and making money is a little more ethereal......and I want her to try to appreciate it. So I told her it would be nice to thank Daddy when he got home for her special new cup.

We had a fun lunch of Chick-Fil-A during which I managed to nurse Jackson and make sure she wasn't overdoing it on fries. She knows the rule of one fry per piece of chicken and she stuck to it herself! She asked to play on the playset in the middle of the foodcourt but it was getting close to lunch time and that playland has always skeezed me out so I told her no, that we needed to head home. She nicely said "Ok" and hopped back on the stroller. She saw the huge ice cream cone on DQ's sign and asked for ice cream, but I told her we had had enough treats for today. She took that right in stride as well.

The ride home Jackson was still fussy so she helped me sing to him and chattered on and on about her new cup. Once we got home we went straight to potty and to bed! I was beat and Jackson needed to eat again. She put up a tiny fuss about napping, but soon went to bed when she realized the sooner she went to bed the sooner she got to get up and play with her cup! She slept a whopping TWO HOURS (of course Jackson fussed the entire time) and woke up in a delightful mood! She helped me wash dishes and change Jackson and the first thing she said to Daddy when he walked in the door was, "Daddy! Thank you thank you for my cup!" That was when my heart just totally melted. Wow she listened AND remembered.....who knew??

Our days aren't always like this, but today was truly a treasure. She was a gem, even when Jackson demanded all of my attention. My heart just felt like it was going to burst, and it was wonderful to see that she and I can still get some "one on one" time if we try hard enough.

There's something to be said for delayed gratification....

2009-07-21T08:17:00.002-04:00

I have always been bad with delayed gratification. If I get a birthday card in the mail before my birthday - I totally open it..... I'd eat my dessert before my dinner if I could.... I just figure - life is short and you never know when you might get hit by a bus (or tractor in my case). My husband is the total opposite. Back when we both worked I used to send him little sweet cards at work. He would send me some as well and as soon as I saw them in my box I'd rip it open and read it over and over. However he would let it sit on his desk and read it perhaps....after lunch. If someone were to give us each 3 pieces of candy I'd eat all mine right away and he's still have one of his a few days later.

Good for him right? I mean, delayed gratification is hard to come by in a "I want it NOW" culture.

I got to thinking about this recently when we got Direct TV installed. I now have the ability to record the shows I like to watch on TV if they aren't on at a time that's conducive for me - then I can watch them later while I nurse/fold laundry/cleanup the kitchen. COOL right?

Madeline's been into Curious George lately so I thought I'd record it for her so that she could watch it even if, perchance, she DIDN'T get up at 6:30 am one day. (We have not been so lucky as yet) However the last few days she's been obsessed with another show so I have been recording them both.

However I can't help but wonder if it's just a smiiiiidge egocentric. I know I know - it's a TV show whatever.....but it used to be that if she asked to watch Curious George after her nap well, she just had to wait. But now - if she wants Curious George, she gets it. I think there's a lot to be said for waiting for something. I mean I"m not going to hold on her or anything...I just think it's one more thing in this "now now now" society. She woulda been hurtin' for certain' if she grew up way back when I did and all I had to play with was a sick....

the livin' is easy

2009-07-07T20:45:00.001-04:00

THIS is what summer in the country is all about!

Too bad I didn't have my camera handy to capture my husband on it!!!

Half n Half

2009-07-03T16:39:00.002-04:00

"I miss the hospital!"

I have said it about a million times in the past 5 weeks. I cried both times with both babies. You go from having 'round the clock nurses and doctors at your beck and call, and 24 hours room service (Nothing like scrambled eggs and toast with a strawberry shake at 3 in the morning!!) to being back in your house with a pile of laundry and dirty dishes staring at you.

Now, I happen to have THE BEST NEIGHBORS in the world who cleaned my ENTIRE HOUSE while I was in the hospital having Jackson. (We're talking even toilets people.....they even turned down my bed for me!!!) So that was about the best thing in the world to come home to a CLEAN house.....

I will always say that the scariest day of my life was the day we brought Madeline home. I was beyond nervous and still in lots of pain from my C-Section. Plus I was like "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH A NEWBORN!" The first nights with both babies were terrible - they only slept 10-15 minutes at a time.....

In the hospital you have people seeming to trip over themselves to help you. With both children we had a special nurse who went out of their way to really look out for us. I was breastfeeding like crazy so I was ordering food every two hours - movies on demand - people visiting - a nursery to send the baby to so we could get a 3 hours stretch of sleep.....then - HOME! no help, no nursery, and you can have food any time of day but you have to cook it yourself and worse - clean up the dishes.

I decided there should be a "halfway house" for new parents. After you leave the hospital (and really, should they boot you out after 2 days???? come ON - you just GAVE BIRTH!!) you go to this like....apartment complex. There's a nurse or two on staff that you can meet with, there's food made for you and your family - but you have more space and you can come and go - like your own little condo. You could still send your baby to a nursery for a few hour break if you need it, but yet you'd have your "own" space to live in. It wouldn't be as scary as being back home with NO medical professionals around and all of your chores piling up around you... Who WOULDN"T take advantage of that??

The tough part would be selling the idea to insurance..... sigh....

Bye Bye Baby

2009-06-14T19:49:00.001-04:00

Well I finally got my act together enough to remove the spinning baby from my blog. I wondered how long he would sit and spin there......

The New Arrival

2009-05-23T19:58:00.002-04:00

Steve wanted to share pics and specs of the new arrival!!

600 pounds

54 inches wide

No pain in this birth! HAR HAR

Summertime......and the livin' is easy

2009-05-21T13:01:00.003-04:00

Madeline and I had a great day together today. I felt like getting out of the house so we decided to search for some garage sales! There were a few in town, but not with the kind of stuff we were looking for! Too bad! : ( I decided to head down to Hamilton Towne Center to let Madeline roam around on the playground there for a nice change of pace.

We got primo parking right in front of Gymboree where I noticed a 60% off sign in the window and made a mental note to come back after we played. *Why is it SO fun to buy children's clothes and NO fun to by clothes for yourself? UG I dread it.....* So we walked over to the little playground and Madeline played her heart out. It was early and cool and NO other kids there so she had her reign of the toys. Mostly she just wanted to pick up handfuls of rubber mulch and put it on all the benches and slides. We'd been there about 30 minutes and I was seriously enjoying myself. The park in our town is great, but it's quite large so she's always running all over creation wanting to do different things. This one was just small enough that I could sit in ONE place and not have to get up 200 times and still see her all the time. Next thing I know a nice lady is coming out of Cuppa Coffee with a HUGE smoothie for me and a little one for Madeline. She told me she felt sorry for me being all massively pregnant outside in the heat so she brought us a treat and a punch card! YUM - 4 berry smoothie! Madeline gulped hers down and went back to playing. Sitting in the shade with the wind blowing watching my daughter play and drinking a free smoothie! What could be better?

Well a few minutes later another lady came in with her 2 daughters around Madeline's age and she was also pregnant. She had a Gymboree bag with her so I asked her if the deals were any good. She told me YES and gave me an extra coupon she had for 20% off your entire purchase.*woot!* The girls all played together very nicely, and after a visit to the fountain and Madeline's first experiance throwing change into a fountain (that's going to bleed me dry let me tell you!) we hit up Gymboree! They had two racks FULL of merchandise already marked at 40% off and you got to take off an extra 20%. I asked if I could still use my 20% coupon and she said I could! *double woot!* So I made out like a bandit (ok rather madeline and babyboy did). Since I was feeling lucky we hit up Old Navy as well. I've been wanting some more run around/get dirty shoes for Madeline as her croclings that I love and adore have already taken a beating! I found some really cute ones at O.N. on sale for 10 bucks that have a really nice tread on the bottom which makes me feel good with all the running, jumping, and climbing she'll be doing this summer! They were having some type of summer kick off at the store so she also got a super cool bouncy ball, and her picture taken with a big plastic dog at the front of the store. (That soooo totally made her day!)

These are the days where I wouldn't trade being a SAHM for anything else in the world, and I feel sorry that my husband missed out on it. She was an angel the entire morning and it's another nice memory for us together before our family gets bigger.

You can say that again!

2009-05-19T07:38:00.002-04:00

I am in love.

After reading only 5 entries.... I am hooked. So nice to know there are L&D nurses like this out there!

Gimme That Ol Time Religion!

2009-05-18T20:23:00.002-04:00

...When I don't want to vaccinate my children.

This is a hard one - I don't like "forcing" anyone to have to vaccinate their children etc... but I don't want my child coming down with some horrible disease because someone ELSE didn't vaccinate. I do find it interesting however, that everyone is claiming religion to get out of giving these vaccines.

Thoughts?

A Man Experiancing Childbirth? Priceless!

2009-05-17T21:33:00.002-04:00

I'm not one of those women who touts herself as some she-woman who can handle anything. O contraire! For the impending birth of our second child we've hired a doula in the hopes of increasing my chance of having a VBAC. I've researched Natural Childbirth as labouring sans pain medication for as long as possible will increase my chances for the birth Steve and I so desire. However, I am a big weenie. If someone had a proverbial gun to my head and was going to make me guess if I could endure natural childbirth I would say No - I am a weenie. But I'm going to give it the old college try. What's most important to be is being much more educated in what's going on and being done to me and my baby, and having a successful VBAC.

So - as I was cruising YouTube for some videos about natural childbirth I came across this. This is, by FAR worth the long loading time. Instead of some ridiculous comparison about who is stronger or who is more capable - this guy tries to do a scientific experiment on the amount of pain a woman experiences during childbirth. What I LOVE is that - even women who do get an epidural have still laboured. I got mine with Madeline when I was 5cm and, let me tell you - when it's all back labour it's certainly no walk in the park either! At one point the OB says that THIS was the point at which most women go to the hospital which means that most women have had no pain medicine at that point, and the guy is obviously in a LOT of pain....

It just makes me feel a little vindicated on behalf of all women. Childbirth - "natural" or not, is an exhausting, emotionally draining, charged up experience. I'm happy to get a nod from the other side.

Fear and Loathing in Indianpolis

2009-05-06T16:38:00.005-04:00

It all started because I forgot my camera.

My dear sweet friend Jill agreed to meet Madeline and me at the Indianapolis Zoo yesterday. Steve and I have been seeking out some fun, new activities to do with Madeline before the baby comes. They currently have their butterfly garden open, and Madeline is just mad for butterflies. So after getting ourselves and the three kids ready, we headed to the butterfly garden. The kids all loved it and Jill was sweet enough to snap a few pictures of Madeline since I had committed the cardinal sin of motherhood and forgotten mine.

We visited the fish and the bears, the seals and the penguins. The kids did great despite the waves of heat and the tremendous amount of kids on field trips. Madeline got a little scared on the playground with all of the (way too old) kids playing on the equipment and required a rescue, but other than that - the day couldn't have gone better. Madeline got to be around a newborn, and I got to observe a Mom of Two in real life. She was SO zen and SO calm that it gave me hope that I might, just might, be able to handle it.

Jill and her kiddies left and I decided to stay a while since I didn't think we'd be back at the Zoo anytime soon and Madeline was having such a fun time. We talked about all of the animals at the zoo and she decided she wanted to see the Giraffes. So - off on the mile long trek to see the Giraffes! We got over there and got to see them eating their lunch and Madeline just got the biggest kick out of it. I wanted to snap a picture but *i didn't have my camera!* so I got out my phone and decided it was better than nothing. As I put my thumb on the button to get her picture a ten year old boy decided to run by me, limbs flailing.

It was like slow motion. POW! He knocked into my arm and my cell phone went flying. It literally flipped through the air *cut to me saying Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!* and thudded onto the ground into the Giraffe exhibit. The boy decided this did NOT, in fact, warrant an apology.

Madeline obviously had no idea what had just happened. The sun was at its peak and there were no clouds to cut us some slack. I made her sit in the stroller (I learned the hard way earlier in the day that trying to let her walk and push the stroller was too much for me and one of us was going to end up on the ground) as I wheeled around to try to find a zoo worker. Not having any luck, I exited "Plains" and went to a train ticket booth. "Some kid bumped into me and I dropped my cell phone into the giraffe exhibit." The 16 year old blinked at me like "Uh yeah ...and?"

"Could you please call someone to see if they can get it out?"

So there we stood positively baking in the sun - while she radioed for some help. Madelinedecided, thank heaven, to be an angel during this experience - she just sat on the back of the stroller and gabbed away. Finally she told me that someone was going to come talk to me. I thanked her and showed her where we would be sitting. So we sat

and sat

and sat

It was so hot - I was making Madeline guzzle water and stealing a few sips myself. I spied a Dippin' Dots kiosk only a few feet away so that I could be seen by the alleged zoo worker coming to my technological aid. Madeline and I walked over and I decided that we could afford to put a second mortgage on the house so we could have some ice cream. (seriously! 4 dollars for a teeny bowl of ice cream????) We scarfed it down and then we got some cloud cover so it was a bit less miserable.

and sat

and sat

Folks - I am 9 months pregnant. I don't like it when my husband is in the loo and I need it and I have plenty of other bathrooms in my house. Right now, waiting is not my forte! But I didn't want to be a jerk. Finally, after 45 minute I went back to the ticket booth.

"I'm not trying to be a pain, but do you know how much longer this is going to take? If it was anything else I'd leave it behind - but I'm supposed to give BIRTH in 3 weeks and would like to have my phone on me at all times."

She was surprised no one had come and called back to the desk. She assured me someone was on their way!

and sat

and sat

Twenty minutes later I approached again. I asked if there was anything else I could do to expedite the process. She said no.

I decided I need to talk to someone who A) wasn't 15 and 2) wasn't more concerned with filing her nails than a lady about to give birth at the zoo. So -

I walked ALL the way back out to the main gate. (Seriously, does anyone know how long that trek is? It's gotta be at least half a mile?) I talked to the lady taking tickets at the gate and explained my plight. She told me that anything that's dropped into an exhibit isn't retrieved until the evening after the animals go "in" for the night. I was about to sit down on the pavement and cry when she said I could talk to member services to see if there was anything I could do.

So Madeline and I walked around the corner and stood for 15 minutes in line while the TWO people in front of us took their sweet time deciding on memberships. When we finally got to the booth I was about to open my mouth and my daughter squeaks out "I have to go potty!!!!" So I rush through the story while telling her that I just needed a minute and we'd find her a potty. Luckily a manager overheard my tale and said that there had been zookeepers waiting for me at the giraffe exhibit for the last hour. I told her that no one told me to go back to the giraffes - that I was to stay at the train ticket stand. She told me that she'd take me back to the exhibit so I could show her where my phone was. I told her that would be great, after I found my child a bathroom.

So BACK into the zoo we went. We waited in line yet again to use the loo which Madeline had managed to hold it until I found. The BACK out to the main gate to meet Ms. Green. She was there with a security officer who was also going to walk back with us to the exhibit. I told her that I was 9 months pregnant, and that if I had to walk back there one more time I was positively going to have this baby in the middle of the zoo. I was contracting, sweating, and my legs felt like I had just run a Marathon. She said she totally understood and disappeared back into the office. When she came out a few minutes later she took our stroller and a Security mini-van showed up to escort us via the super secret back roads to the Giraffe area. I told Madeline that we were getting to ride in a "special car." She heartily accepted that and we sloooooooowly made our way around the back of the Zoo, past the hospital and the modular offices, to come up to the "Plains." I waddled out of the car and carried Madeline most of the way as her patience was understandably wearing thin. So - carrying both babies was somewhere around 75 extra pounds on my body. My feet were spilling out of my flip flops and I sounded like an emphysema patient. We found the zookeepers and I was able to show them where my phone pieces were. That process took exactly 4.82 seconds.

Sigh

So back into the Special Security Van (with lights flashing I might add) we went, and were driven back to the front of the Zoo. Ms. Green retrieved our stroller and accompanied us back into the Butterfly Exhibit. Our adventure was over...but not really.

Once again finagling with the stroller and my walking toddler, she fell down the two concrete stairs and skinned her knees up royally. The already scratched and bruised up legs took yet another beating. I swooped her up to try to assuage her crying and we went to the back of the building where she and another young man cleaned and patched up Madeline's knees- complete with Hello Kitty Band Aids. As we left the gardens area, Madeline spied the stuffed butterflies she had been eyeing that morning. "Butterfly!" she cried out "Butterfly so pretty!" Ms. Green kneeled down and asked her if she'd like to have a butterfly. She said "BUTTERFLY!" and got a smile on her face. So she walked over, plucked a butterfly out of the bin and handed it to Madeline. I am not generally one to buy my child something every where we go, but had Ms. Green not given her one I probably would have bought it for her anyway. She SO deserved it after pretty much being an angel through a long, ridiculous process. She held it all the way home as she slept.

When I asked her that night to tell Daddy all about the zoo she said, "I ride in a special car!"

She didn't even mention the giraffes.

Yummy and Easy!

2009-05-02T10:36:00.004-04:00

Here are two things I have made this week that have been hits!

1. Homemade granola. I expected it to be a hard really hard but it SO wasn't. In fact Madeline did a majority of it. (the pics are still on my camera) The hardest part was waiting the hour for it to cook up in the oven!!! I don't like granola OR raisins, but this was truly delicious. (I left out the cashews though - ewwwww)

2. Steak Bites. I made these just last night for my husband. I don't eat red meat, which means he doesn't get it all that often which is perfectly fine with him. But on occasion I like to try something new for him that isn't CHICKEN! This was SO easy to make (I used beef stir fry strips so all I had to do was chop them into bite size pieces!) and it was CHEAP too! I paid 1.50 for all of the steak and the only other ingredient is butter! Steve really liked it and I can see using it for a fajita as well. This will become a staple in our house. Anything that takes me less than 5 minutes to cook is priceless! I'm going to load up on the beef strips for after the baby as this is one he could make himself!

An Open Letter to the Creepy Man in my Driveway Yesterday

2009-05-01T14:47:00.002-04:00

1. You are very VERY lucky it was my husband who has just pulled in right before you did and it wasn't me with my young child. I'll give you ONE guess which part of "fight or flight" you would have seen.

2. You are very VERY lucky my husband doesn't have a licence to carry a concealed weapon. Mr. Creepy Man meet Mr. Smith and Wesson.

3. A policeman told me once that if someone broke into my house I had the right to shoot him. (Although you put one toenail in my house while my child is here and being shot would be the BEST scenario you'd come away with)

4. You are alleging to be with the census for next year. You said you just needed to stand on our porch. What do you need to do on our front patio that you can't do from the street?

5. You are very, I mean VERY lucky that my husband had a great day yesterday. One of the reasons we moved to the middle of nowhere is that my husband is an intensely private person. First the JWs show up and now creepy men supposedly working for the Census? Even if you were, you should have explained why you needed to stand on my patio.

We have an alarm system, alert neighbors, and most importantly - I'm a mother. Let me just tell you that you would die a slow painful death and I wouldn't feel badly about it.

The end.

Bye Bye Baby

2009-05-01T07:57:00.002-04:00

I am thinking of getting rid of my creepy floating baby on the side of my blog. First it flipped over, now its eyes are open! AH!

And, the countdown thing is starting to freak me out!

Greeeeeeeeat

2009-04-23T20:55:00.001-04:00

Cause I need one more thing to worry about as I waddle toward childbirth.

make em laugh

2009-04-16T23:22:00.000-04:00

For some reason I've been very easy to crack up latley. My husband constantly has me in stitches. Not that he's not funny... he is, but it's like everything he says makes me go into hysterics.

And then there's commercials. I hate them as much as the next guy, but LOVE the ones that actually seem well thought out and well written. For some reason THIS one makes me laugh so hard every time I see it that I cry. Just that line "Your son rip is on line toot." It's not really that funny.....

That's new!

2009-04-13T08:56:00.001-04:00

Sooooo I must be getting close to having this babyboy....my creepy baby to the left just flipped over!

How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb

2009-04-13T08:13:00.002-04:00

Sometimes life is so comical that you just have to embrace it with both hands and laugh at it - cause if you don't - you'll sit and cry nonstop for a week.

Thursday is grocery day in this house. Always has been. Madeline and I meet up with my MIL, go to the grocery store, I drop her (my MIL not Madeline) off at her hair appointment, and we come home. It works for us so we've just kept it this way. So last Thursday, like every other Thursday before it - we did our business at the grocery, came home, and I fed Madeline lunch while I put away all the groceries. I made orange shrimp for Steve and some Cheese Fondue for me (mmmmmmmm could eat that every day) . But when Steve went to get some ice for his root beer, he noticed a HUGE mess in the bottom of the freezer. It looked like a few Popsicles had somehow gotten squashed and melted. He asked me if I had made sure to close the freezer after I put away the groceries. I told him that of course I thought I did - but maybe I didn't. I cleaned up the mess the best I could with my very large stomach being in the way and we went about our business.

Friday morning we were all up before Steve left for work. Madeline got up early to potty and I brought her back into our room for some snuggle time. I was about to put her on our bed when my husband popped out of it - thinking that would be an HILARIOUS thing to do to a pregnant woman and a 2 year old. (uh....?) Ok so Madeline got a kick out of it but I didn't. So after I freaked out about him scaring me and gave him a nice long lecture about NOT doing that while I have a baby inside me he decided to share some news.....

"The refrigerator isn't working. Everything in it is barely cold."

"So I DIDN'T leave the freezer open after all! I didn't think I did...."

"...."

So I proceeded to dig through the world's biggest bag of manuals and found the one for our fridge. It had a 5 year warranty IF we could find our receipt. Oh my......

Steve took over the job of tracking down our purchase information and trying to get it repaired that day - while I took over the job of throwing pretty much everything away THAT I HAD JUST BOUGHT THE DAY BEFORE. Goodbye 12 dollars worth of milk....bye bye chicken breasts and beef tips I bought to try a new recipe Goodbye ice cream and the frozen soup I made from scratch a month ago... (anyone else feel like I'm quoting Our Town? ha ha)

Just something about throwing everything in your fridge away except for the soy sauce and honey mustard that just makes ya mad. Luckily we were meeting our family for dinner that night so I didn't have to come up with some type of Soy Sauce Sandwich marinated in honey mustard and a packet of apple butter sprinkled with old baking soda.

My mom had planned to come up anyway that day and come with Madeline and I to church for the Easter Egg Hunt, but since it was raining cats and dogs the hunt was postponed : (. She brought us some milk and fruit and cottage cheese in a cooler so I was able to at least feed my child lunch.

I started looking at refrigerators online to see what new one we would be purchasing. Now, don't get me wrong - I LOVE to shop and I LOVE to buy big stainless steel appliances - but the thing is - I LOVE my fridge.... I love that the freezer is on the bottom - I love that it's quiet....I don't WANT a new fridge.... now if it was our washing machine that went out I would have done a happy dance because then I could get super cool space age washing /drying machines

I had forgotten how utterly expensive SS appliances were. Ick. Pretty much the LAST thing I wanted to do with all of our other house issues at present.

Luckily Steve called before I had a full on heart attack and told me a repair man would be there that afternoon. HALLELUJAH! Although it was annoying to pay the repairman a chunk of money for something he fixed in under 10 minutes......it was a great deal less than buying a new one!

Long story short (too late) our fridge is once again in working order and another huge crisis avoided. It sure is one of those thing you take for granted - ice cold organic milk whenever you want it, cold yogurt and yummy Cool Whip at your disposal!

Once again - I would SO have died if I was a pioneer......

I guess I'm a cock-eyed optimist

2009-04-09T13:05:00.001-04:00

WOW.

I (wish) I didn't know I was pregnant

2009-04-06T07:56:00.002-04:00

I've mentioned before that I don't follow that many shows on tv. I guess I feel like if I didn't hop on the bandwagon at the very beginning than I missed out on too much and can't catch up. Seriously - the only sitcoms I watch are Friends and Seinfeld reruns. However, I am a sucker for crazy docu-drama type reality shows. Such as "I didn't know I was pregnant!" that I made my husband watch with me last night.

One lady was 34, and told she would never have children. She "didn't experience any symptoms of pregnancy" except an erratic period which was normal for her anyway. 9 months later she's in horrific pain, so she goes to her chiropractor. That doesn't help. She sees her family doctor who thinks she has a bowel blockage. So he gives her some medication for that. She gets up expecting to have a large BM and SURPRISE has a baby instead.

OK I guess I get that I can buy that she was told she'd NEVER have children and having a weird period to begin with....and the lady because of being overweight didn't "notice" any movement and no one noticed her belly getting rounder as they just thought she was gaining more weight. What about the other 20 million side effects? Those silly ones you forget like varicose veins and a CONSTANTLY RUNNY NOSE THAT NEVER EVER STOPS! Irritability? Moodiness? So tired you feel like you got hit by a bus? Horrible gas? Acne, Eating like there's no tomorrow? Back pain?

I can't imagine not knowing I was knocked up. This baby in my belly has decided his sole mission in life is to beat up my insides so badly they will never be the same again. The last 24 hours was , in fact, so bad that between a million Braxton-Hicks contractions and his literal non-stop movement I thought for sure he was going to bust out! Steve put his hands on my stomach last night and couldn't believe how strongly he was moving. We could tell what was a hand or what was a kick. He kicks my right side so hard that I'm starting to not be able to keep from letting out a little yelp here and there - even when out in public. In fact I was in Firestone getting my oil changed the other day and he kicked me so hard that I let out a little "oh!" and a little groan. I'm sure the other people there waiting thought I was totally skitzophrenic. "stop that!" "Ouch!" "You're hurting me!" Ha Ha.

I wouldn't want to go to the hospital thinking I had appendicitis and come home with a baby - but I can't help but envy jut a smigde these women who were apparently so oblivious that they didn't have ONE INKLING that they might be pregnant. My body has never felt worse... but I know my heart has never felt happier.

All Things Excessive

2009-04-01T12:21:00.001-04:00

I just ordered one of these for Madeline. It's not too much is it???

Be a Lady

2009-03-24T10:56:00.002-04:00

I'm starting to wonder if it's a coincidence that almost all of my husband and my "songs" all have to do with being Lucky?

Except this one about breakfast food.

Let us be sacrificers, but not butchers

2009-03-15T09:10:00.001-04:00

Happy Ides of March Everyone!

A Crab Came Down the Walk

2009-03-13T15:49:00.003-04:00

I feel like I need to apologize to one Ms. Emily Dickinson. I am always hacking up her poetry to fit my own devices. Somewhere, she is in her ubiquitous white gown glaring at me. Sorry Em - never really dug your stuff anyway!

So my husband came home from work the other day and was all "Get the camera! Put your shoes on!" We bundled Madeline up and walked out to the driveway where, hidden behind a planter, we saw this guy. I flipped out because I don't like any type of bug or crustacean or what have you . . . I was like "ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" but Madeline was all "Crab! Crab! Touch the crab!! Pinch pinch!" I snapped a few pictures and went inside to finish cooking dinner and try to forget how creepy the thing was.

My husband was enthralled for some reason. All through dinner he talked about it - what was it - where did it come from - was it going to be ok in the cold - you would think it was a cute puppy or something! I was like "Who cares? It's scary! Let it die!" (I know, I'm heartless) He was trying to convince me to let him put it in a bucket in the garage for the night, but I nixed that RIGHT away. We wouldn't want Templeton, the single resident of our garage, to get upset now would we?

He wouldn't shut up about it so I finally told him to go throw it in the creek at the end of our street. So he and Madeline set out to "free" him into the creek. I couldn't believe how interested she was in it. They stopped at the neighbors house and showed them their find. They were informed that it was, in fact, a crawdad. (ick!) I hope they sang the Battle Hymn of the Republic or something while they released him.

I guess it's one more thing we have to get used to with country life!

Anti-Disease

2009-03-03T13:52:00.002-05:00

An excellent interview with Dr. Offit - one of the inventors of the vaccine for Rotavirus. It's a long interview, but a lot of good information. He makes an excellent point that people go to the University of Google and then totally ignore the repeated findings of scientists and researchers.

On the Town

2009-02-28T19:25:00.003-05:00

Steve and I were able to go out to a Ball State outing at Jillian's last weekend. I was able to squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze myself into a non-maternity dress since it was empire waisted. Believe me - nothing makes a pregnant momma feel good like NOT wearing maternity clothes! I even wore heels!

Steve and I had a great time out - they are going to get even more scarce when baby2 gets here! ~sigh~

So Many Books

2009-02-20T08:17:00.002-05:00

One thing I have always been is a voracious reader. I "rediscovered" my passion when Madeline was a newborn and nursing all day and all night and I found I could hold a book in my hand while she nursed.

Now, every night after Steve drifts off into lalaland. I sneak on my light (aka "garage light) and read. I've added a link on the side to what I'm presently reading. I am always looking for good book recommendations... and I'll probably do another list for books I want to read. Of course that may take up the entire side of my blog...

But I have promises to keep

2009-02-17T07:54:00.001-05:00

Madeline was supposed to go to her first Valentines Day Party on Friday but the host's sons were sick so we had to postpone. :( My friend Emily and I decided that we both needed a little break from being housebound and decided to meet up for an hour at the mall. The mall! I don't remember the last time I went to the mall! Madeline and I left the house around 9:00 and were well on our way to meet our friends! She had gotten potty right before leaving the house so I was pretty sure she could make it to the mall. Now of course, I had to make 3 trips back into the house to get various items she couldn't live without...So we're chugging down I-69 and all the sudden my daughter says "Potty mama! Potty!" I asked her if she had to go potty and she said yes. AHHHHH! Luckily we were just about to pass an exit. I swerved across traffic and got off as quickly as I could yelling at the procession of Grandmas who had apparently decided to ALL go to the same place I was going. I finally get out from behind them and see Paradise Bakery. YAY! a clean place!!!! I would have settled for just about anything but a clean, well lit eatery made me especially happy. I ZOOMED into a "parking spot" (that I made up), ran around the car, grabbed her and the potty topper, and ran in - reminding her to try to "hold it." Of course being the day it was - the place was FILLED with balloons. There are few things Madeline loves more than Balloons. So she's wanting to stop and admire and talk and touch and beg and I was like " WE HAVE TO GO TO THE POTTY!!!!!" as we zoom to the back of the restaurant. So as I put her on the potty, amazed she was able to stay dry (I assumed she didn't tell me she had to go until he was just about ready to go) and she talked about balloons the entire time. I finally told her that after we finished going potty, when we got to the mall, we'd get her a balloon. So, we finished up and made our way back out to the car. She talked about getting a balloon the entire way to the mall.We met up with Emily and Gabby in VonMaur. The kiddos chatted as we did..... it was really fun and Emily and I were feeling pretty at ease with them, since they had both just gone to the potty. After a circle around the mall the kids were saying they were hungry. I had packed some sugar snap peas for Madeline which she wasn't thrilled about, but Gabby was kind enough to share her bag of trail mix with us! That made them both pretty happy- long enough for us to slip into a children's clothing store that was having a huge sale. OH my WORD were we in heaven! I now have to shop on BOTH sides of the store.....so Emily was awesomely entertaining both girls while I shopped the BLUE section..... we did minimal damage to our credit cards and realized the girls probably needed a potty stop. At that moment they voiced their need so we asked the clerk where the nearest restroom was. She said she thought it was Borders. So - we hightailed it out of there and started booking it to Borders. We found an employee who told us the restrooms were in the BACK of the store on the SECOND floor. (Of course they were! Where else would they be?) So at this point we're almost running. Which, Emily looks very cute doing at this point in her life, whereas I am more Jolly Green Giant-esque. kaBOOM kaBOOM kaBOOM. We're weaving through racks, and leaving smoke in our wake. We get onto the elevator and, 2 hours later, (or so it felt) we were up the one floor to the bathroom. We clamour into the bathroom with our two strollers and potty accouterments and BOTH girls went potty like pros! They were looking at us like "What was the rush about? We're cool...." So we get their hands washed and all situated back in their strollers.Emily and Gabby had to go so they could check on one poor sick Daddy. Madeline and I cruised up to Bath and Bodyworks since I had a giftcard, but about 10 steps in I couldn't go on - the smell was so overwhelming I needed a HAZMAT suit.... we grab some lunch at Chic Fil A. Now of course, I get behind the one woman who, after starting her order, must reconsider every single item on the menu. Meanwhile there are millions of people being served around me and I realized that my blood sugar is presently at my knees and falling fast. We wait and wait and wait. One thing pregnancy does to me is make me even less patient then I tend to be. So I am wanting to scream "OH MY WORD HOW HARD IS IT LADY!!!! I AM GOING TO DIE!!!!" I can literally feel my blood sugar fall so fast that I am starting to see stars. She finally gets her food and her 4.7 million packages so that I can order. I get a 12 piece meal and as soon as she puts it in front of me I'm digging through it and shoving chicken into my mouth. Madeline is begging to go play on the playground in the food court but I'm really skeezed out by the germ factor (and I don't skeeze out over germs!) so I tell her we are going to continue our quest for balloons. I hand her a piece of chicken and continue to literally cram the nuggets down my throat. I'm slurping my soda so loudly that I'm shocked someone in the next state doesn't ask me to quiet down.We visited every possible store in the mall that could have balloons - the card stores, the gifty stores, and finally a candy store. No luck. One woman suggested another candy store (at the ENTIRE other end of the mall) so we start off that way. I'm throwing Madeline the occasional nugget and stuffing my face with fries. We're almost to the end of the mall and I realize I am out of food and almost freak out. I am still STARVING! I don't remember the last time I was so hungry. I am miles away from the food court at this point, but there's a pretzel place nearby so I opt for a greasy mall pretzel. I pull in behind two high-school age girls who are so busy flirting with the pretzel maker they haven't even ordered yet. I feel my blood pressure SHOOT up again. "ORDER YOUR STUPID PRETZEL NOW OR GET OUT OF LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I want to scream. Instead I think mean thoughts in my head. They finally finish their urgent - non pretzel related business and move on. I get my million dollar pretzel and continue to push toward my last hope for Madeline's balloon. I'm huffing and puffing at this point because 1) I am now trying to eat the entire pretzel in one bite and 2) I have walked the equivalent of a marathon. I am also fighting with my maternity pants and my joints are starting to ache. I finally find the candy store. I know a balloon here will probably cost me a small fortune but I don't care."Do you have any balloons?" I ask the little girl working there. BTW - why aren't these kids in school? Am I just getting so old that everyone looks super young, or am I just old and crotchety?"No! I am so sorry! But we have lots of candy!""IMAGINE THAT! CANDY IN A CANDY STORE WOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!" is what I want to say. "Oh yeah!" I say instead.I crouch down in front of Madeline and try to explain to her that in the entire expanse of the mall there is not ONE balloon for the taking. I try to explain to her that she may have a sucker instead. I don't know if she understood what I was saying, but she happily took the dumdum I offered her. I paid the six cents and started back toward the car. We make one more (successful) potty stop on the way out and are finally on our way home! We're both beat and I get her down for her nap pretty quickly. I'm so exhausted that I consider crawling into my own bed with my clothes and shoes on to relieve my aching, bloated body. But there's just so much to do . . .And Miles to go before I sleep...

Oh to be a man!

2009-02-16T07:50:00.002-05:00

Steve and I enrolled Madeline in a swimming class at Ball State. (Figure she better get used to taking classes early! ha ha) We thought it would be wise since we have neighbors with a pool and now having a lakehouse, we want her to be totally comfortable with water and learn to swim as soon as possible. This is the very beginner class just to get the kids used to water and kicking their feet, going under for a second, etc...

It was Steve's idea to take the class and he said he'd take her on Saturday mornings. That way they got some good Daddy-Maddy time and I got some ALONE TIME! (angelic ahhhhs)

Except the last 2 weeks I've had to take her because he's had to work. Getting into a maternity bathing suit this late in the game is really no fun. And, my friend Emily lent me the CUTEST suit - but there's only so much you can do for a pregnant woman trust me.

This past Saturday Steve was home so he was going to be in the pool for the lesson, but I decided to go so I could get some pictures.

We were sitting on the bench waiting for the class to start. There were people milling about as there's about 4 classes going on within the one large pool. He was in his suit and I was in my normal maternity garb - SO glad not to be in a bathing suit. Then we had the following conversation:

"Are you self conscious at all in your suit?"
"What do you mean?"
(Now I need to note that my husband is not only gorgeous, but also in very good shape so he would have no reason to be self-conscious at all)
"I mean do you look around the room at every other man in a pair of trunks and compare yourself to them? Make mental notes on all the ways they possibly look better than you do? Then hate them a little for looking better?"
"Uh....No."
"Wow, that must be so nice!"

Tragedy

2009-02-11T15:44:00.003-05:00

I always wanted a red balloon
it only cost a dime
But Ma said it was risky
They broke so quickly
And besides she didn't have time
and even if she did
She didn't think they were worth a dime
We lived on a farm and only went
to one circus and fair
And all the balloons I ever saw
were there
There were yellow ones and blue ones
But the ones I liked best
were red
And I don't see why she couldn't have stopped and said
That maybe I could have one
But she didn't
I supposed that now
You can by them anywheres
And that they still sell red ones
At circuses and fairs
I have a little money now
I have a lot of time
I have noone to tell me how and where
and when to spend my dime
Plenty of balloons
But somehow -
there's something died inside of me
And I don't want one
now.

Jill Sparger

Trust Me

2009-02-10T13:13:00.001-05:00

I think everyone should have a mantra. This is mine.

Oh, Britannia

2009-02-06T09:07:00.000-05:00

My beloved limeys are breaking my heart.

Jack be nimble...

2009-01-30T20:05:00.002-05:00

I know I've written before about how music etc..... brings back memories. What's funny is - this song made Steve and I think of the same thing.

I had some music playing the other night on my computer and it came on.... Madda was seriously busting a move and all the sudden my husband says, "I'd like to go roller skating sometime."

I said, "OH MY WORD I would LOVE to go roller skating again I haven't been since forever!!!!"

It's exactly where my mind went when I heard the song....

But Steve said we couldn't go until the baby was born. boo. : ( Plus, I don't know of any skating places anymore......

Baby Got VBAC

2009-01-28T07:56:00.002-05:00

I had lunch with my amazing friend Carrie

yesterday and she gave me this great book... all of my mom friends know how desperate I am to have a VBAC this time around with baby2. So much so that I have been reading up lots on Natural childbirth so that I have the ability to move around while I labour instead of being confined to the bed. I would say I have an "average" pain tolerance - certainly not superwoman. A few of my friends have done it naturally and my mom did it 28 years ago with me. I know it can be done - pioneers did it right?

For some women it's a badge - as well it should be! Personally - I don't care if anyone else knows if I do it naturally or not - I just want to add every small iota of a chance to have a VBAC. Even if I can put it off for an extra 3 or 4 hours I'll be happy. I had horrible horrible back labour with Madeline and I simply can't imagine going through it again but... I also thought I'd never be pregnant again and - here I am!

So anywho - my friend Carrie (who is having triplets ergo is a superhero) gave me this book and I got straight to reading it last night. I KNEW I was going to like it when I opened it up to the first chapter. "The Cesarean Epidemic: Obstetrics on the cutting edge." Her first paragraphs:

In 1970, the U.S. C-section (CS) rate was a stable 5 percent. By 1980, it had more than tripled. By 1983, one in 5 women was giving birth by major surgery and the rate has yet to drop below that number. CS is the most common major surgery performed in the U.S.

No objective person could possibly believe that one in 5 women requires major surgery in order to be a healthy mother giving birth to a healthy baby. Experts estimate that the national rate could be safely halved, which means that at a minimum, nearly half a million women have unnecessary CS every year.

Compared with vaginal birth, CS carries substantially increased risks of death and permanent injury. To give you an idea of the capricious natures of the cesarean decision, researchers asked 5 experts to review nearly 50 cases of CS for "fetal distress." In nearly 1/3rd of the cases, 4 of the 5 reviewers agreed the CS wasn't necessary. However, 3 months later, give the SAME 50 cases, the same experts changed their minds in 25 percent of the cases.

CS babies incur extra risks as well. The baby may be cut, and are more likley to be in poor condition at birth. Apgar scores are consistently lower on CS babies. (In her stats she sites that these were on ELECTIVE C-sections - so there was no "fetal distress" to begin with - the mother simply wanted a CS) Babies born by CS were over 3 times as likley to be admitted to intermediate or intensive care and 5 times more likley to need assistance breathing. It is also documented that more newborns born this way have breathing problems and jaundice.

All of this - AND the World Health Organization has also admitted that there are simply too many CS being performed. The U.S. government set the goal of achieving a 15 percent national CS rate by 2000. Ironically, in 1979, the National Institutes of Health viewed a 15% rate with such alarm that it convened a panel of experts to develop recommendations on how to lower it.

I guess after reading all of this I shouldn't feel so terrible about wanting a VBAC so badly. I guess it just makes me mad that all of this research shows us that there are simply too many being done and for some very very shady reasons. I am trying to look at the bright side that all of the CS moms in my moms group were able to have VBACS the second time round. HOORAY for inspiration!

This is just to say

2009-01-21T12:40:00.002-05:00

I have been missing reading/teaching a meaty literary sylabus. My husband is in the process of writing his Master's Thesis which is focusing on digital storytelling. Ergo, he has to compare it to "typical" narratives. As such, it's allowed to me help a little by suggesting fun short stories and narratives to which he might draw a comparison.

As I was flipping through some of my old curriculum, I came across one of my favourite poems. It's called "This is Just to Say" by William Carlos Williams:

I have eaten
the plums
which were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet and so cold.

It's a fun poem that I used to have my students write parodies of. It floated out of my mind until today when I was buying another pair of deep discount pajamas. Per my last post many of you read how much I loved my new PJs. Well, my husband doesn't so much. Since they are dark red with white dots - he calls me "St Nick" when I wear them.

I couldn't help but think about the PJs I used to wear and the ones I wear now. So, as I bought my clearance jammies I composed this little ditty to my dear and loving husband.

I am wearing
the pajamas
once worn only
by old ladies
and men in old movies

Made of flannel
and fleece
and no lace

Forgive me
they are so warm
and so forgiving.

Ode to Pajamas

2009-01-16T07:38:00.003-05:00

I have long been jealous of Madeline's footy pajamas. Especially since Indiana has turned Arctic. Steve and I bought a pair for our friend Tony as a joke for Christmas and he LOVES them. One night after we bought them, it was so cold that I threatened to get them out and wear them. (Would my husband ever forgive me for wearing footy pajamas?)

The coldest room in our house is our bedroom. I don't really want to talk about it because it puts me in a bad mood, but our room is always always freezing. It doesn't help that I am always cold anyway. SEGUE - everyone always tells me how much they hated having a summer pregnancy because they got so hot. Madeline was a summer pregnancy and I LOVED IT! I don't dig this winter thing as much I don't think. Anywho, my gorgeous nightwear usually consists of a pair of sweats and a long-sleeved shirt. (And my heated mattress pad cranked to 11) But lately it's been so cold even that isn't cutting the mustard, so I've added a sweatshirt to the mix. (I know I know, try to hold yourself back from that gorgeous imagine.)

I told Steve that when I have this baby I'd like to get a pair of cute pajamas to wear in the hospital. I lived in hospital gowns last time and it was a nightmare. I wanted a pair of cute flannel pants and a button top. I had a few extra moments yesterday so I stopped in to Kohls to look for a pair.

What luck! They had clearanced their "Simply Vera" collection to 70% off! I found a really cute pair of red pajamas with white dots. They were such thick fleece, that I was tempted to put them on in the middle of the store!

Last night I decided to give the pjs a test drive. "I'll just try them on" I told myself, "To make sure they will fit in the hospital and everything..." So I put them on - and was transported directly to couture heaven. I don't know what the VW people made these pajamas out of but I have never, in my life, felt anything softer or more comfortable. It was like it added 20 degrees to the temperature around me. I padded around for a while and then informed my husband that I would have to buy another "special" pair of "birthin' pjs" because these weren't coming off any time soon.

As I got up this morning, I remarked at how well I had slept. At the expense of sounding like an infomercial - I feel owe it all to the pajamas. It was like sleeping in silk with the warmth of sherpa! I have no intention of getting out of them any time soon. They had a few different colours and patterns so I could easily get one for every day of the week.

And to think Madda was keeping all this warm pajama goodness to herself!

I see a red door...

2009-01-12T08:34:00.004-05:00

the finished project!

The "before" pic

After the base coat

I don't know why BLogger won't load my pics right - it is jumbling them around and won't let me put them later in the post. GRRRRRRRRRRR

I have wanted to paint my kitchen for as long as I can remember. The builder put flat paint in the kitchen (seriously? come ON!) and if you know anything about flat paint you know that if you breathe on it it marks up. Well, that's not cool for a toddler! Ours quickly got stained with handprints, nose prints (the dogs), strained carrots etc..... to the point where I was embarassed to have people in my kitchen.

I have been talking about faux finishing it forEVER. I LOVE the look of it and thought it would do well to cover up all the little marks we manage to get around here :) Well, last week my husband had had enough. While we were picking up paint for baby2's nursery I saw a complete faux finish look that I loved. I went on and on to Steve about how it was exactly what I wanted. He told me to buy all the paint, to stop talking about doing it and actually do it. I hemmed and hawed but finally decided to get all the paint. So we left Home Depot weighed down with gallon upon gallon of paint.

I told my father about my plans, and he offered to come up and help me get started. So Friday he came up bright and early and started taping up all the doors and windows. WHAT a job that was! Glad I didn't have to do it! My old friend Kyle (and his adorable daughter Lilly) also came up to help. He'd done a bunch of faux finish painting before so he was a huge help in teaching me technique.

I had NO IDEA how much work painting was! When we did Madda's nursery it wasn't too bad because we just painted on top of the basecoat already there. Plus we were painting flowers and trees, not the entire wall. By the time my husband came home, I was exhausted! I was just thankful little Madeline wasn't there to stick her hands in everything!

However, I love the end result. It's very very different, but I love it. It's motivated me to get some other rooms painted in this house of Beige and White. We'll see...

Follow Up

2009-01-08T07:44:00.002-05:00

I was checking out my favourite parenting website early this morning and they had a great article on "Push Presents." Since I brought it up here a few days ago (and now my blog exports to Facebook and I got a lot of interesting replies there, most of which said that husbands deserved the present after a long grouchy pregnancy ha ha) I thought I'd post it.

Pro-Choice

2009-01-05T13:25:00.003-05:00

I've always been pro-choice, even when it wasn't popular with those around me. Even as a teacher molding young minds... I'm pro-choice.

And apparently, so is Mr. Obama. Maybe we have more in common than I thought!

(Disclaimer: This is MY blog which means they are MY thoughts. You don't have to agree with me, you can think I'm way off base - that's totally fine. I'd love to engage in *educated* discussion and welcome comments as such. If, however, you either: 1) Don't know what you're talking about on this issue - much like I am about things like: hedge funds, the string theory, and dadaism, please don't parrot others views and instead just read others' input. AND I'd encourage you to do some research and come to your own conclusion! Even if it's different than mine! 2) Are going to get all bent out of shape if someone makes a valid point on either side of the issue and run away crying like a 4 year old.)

BTW - the ONLY president to put his children in public school was Jimmy Carter. Hm. All I have to say is that the Obamas are lucky they live in a place that supports school vouchers. If his administration gets rid of them, his kids will lose some classmates!

Motivation to have more children!

2009-01-02T08:58:00.002-05:00

I recently read an interesting article in the New York Times.

As you can read, there is a new trend called "Push presents" that a husband typically buys for his wife. It's a way, I guess, of showing gratitude for what a can be a very grueling 9 months and 24+ hours of labour. I hadn't really heard of this during my first pregnancy until a few of my friends showed up sporting their gorgeous "push presents." Now, it's even in some of my pregnancy books!

So - come back to me on this - girls - what do you think of push presents? Do we deserve them after dedicating ourselves to almost an entire year of Excedrin and Diet Coke free living? Or is it a shameless excuse to ask for new stuff? Jewelry being the most popular gift of course. And let me ask a few sub-questions. If you are PRO push present, do you want diamonds? Or maybe something with the baby's birthstone? OR, would you rather have something practical like - your husband arranging to have the house cleaned for 3 months or a massage every month for a while?

If you are"Anti" push present - why? Do you feel it's a wife exploiting something that she agreed to? Or is it more about materialism?

I don't know where I fall on this issue. It's hard for me to turn down jewelry at any point, but to be honest - the best thing my husband could give me for what is a hard 9 months (plus the endless months of nursing and the lifelong toll pregnancy takes on your body) would be a really nice, long letter. Reminding me of the ups and downs of the pregnancy, thanking me for trying to do my best to take care of the little guy while he's still cooking - telling me how lucky he is to be my husband. You know, all that stuff.....

But if you ARE interested in a push present.......THESE and THESE are really cute!!

Thanks Santa!

2008-12-29T11:40:00.001-05:00

Flicks

2008-12-24T09:57:00.002-05:00

I don't remember the last time there were so many movies I wanted to see!!

1. Marley and Me
Honestly - anyone with a dog, let alone a Lab must see this!!

2. Valkyrie
I will go see anything with Kenneth Branaugh in it - but this one actually looks really good and I hate Tom Cruise!

3. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Sometimes I feel like Hollywood makes movies over and over again - this looks refreshingly new!

4. Frost / Nixon
I love political movies and this one promises to be excellent!

5. The Reader
Ralph Fiennes is another one whose movies I will go see just because he is in them. (I'm hoping Maid in Manhattan was a temporary lapse in judgement) I love anything to do with WW2 and this seems like it is handled with class and poignancy.

6. Doubt
The storyline itself is excellent, but with Streep and Hoffman, it takes it up a notch.

I still want to see The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (just finished the book 2 nights ago and HIGHLY recommend) and The Changling but I think I'll have to wait until those are released on DVD.....

How did the Pioneers do it??

2008-12-21T19:00:00.001-05:00

Without this?

Sometimes all of the gadgets made for modern parents just make me feel insulted.

T-7 days

2008-12-18T08:44:00.000-05:00

Until THIS!

Is anyone as excited as I am???

Vote Early Vote Often

2008-12-14T13:17:00.003-05:00

I added a poll to my blog in which you can cast your vote for the sex of baby number 2 - due May 25th, 2009. We will find out on the 22nd but don't expect to see it here until after Christmas - gotta tell the family first!!

It's never too early!

2008-12-09T12:20:00.000-05:00

How much do I love this??? Ok maybe 2 years old is a little young, but maybe by 3?

My favourite Christmas Songs

2008-12-04T14:47:00.000-05:00

In Random Order:

1. All I want for Christmas is You
(I heard this about 2.5 million times while I was dating my husband)

2. Carol of the Bells
(Does anyone remember THIS version?)

3. O Holy Night
(I love those lines, "Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease. ")

The story behind the lyrics and music of the song are incredible..
And who doesn't love that hiiiiigh note at the end?

4. Santa Baby
Any song that mentions Tiffanys is ok by me!

5. The First Noel
When I was a kid I liked that people sang the last word as "Isss RYE el"

There are lots more...but these are the first few that came to mind right away...

What are your favourites?

If the right one don't get you, then the left one will

2008-12-02T14:15:00.000-05:00

I have always found it interesting that certain smells or sounds or textures even....can bring back a sense memory from childhood. To this day when I smell Obsession I think of my big sister Joy. the funny thing is that of course I don't ever think about Obsession - but as soon as I do I look for my sister. It's just in some back part of my brain.

Today I was in CVS and I heard "16 Tons"

It was a nice change from Christmas music, but it also brought my mind back to being about 4 years old and sitting on my parents bed listening to my dad sing it. (Followed of course by an explanation of the entire coal industry, debt bondage, and unions.) It was just one of those things that was part of my childhood. My dad was often singing - he's a dead ringer (soundwise - he doesn't wear those Cronkite glasses) for George Beverly Shay(which I am going to wager about 2 people who read this blog know who that is). I hate to even say it, but when my father passes, I will invest in the largest GBS cd collection known to man. It will make me feel like he's right there.

And that's how I felt in CVS - just for a few minutes I remember everything about sitting on my parents' bed - the colour, the smell of the room, my dad's work clothes... all because of one very out of season song.

Isn't it ironic?

2008-12-02T08:26:00.000-05:00

Lost in Translation

2008-12-01T16:22:00.000-05:00

I was recently breaking proverbial bread with a Catholic friend of mine. Being that I am pretty WASPy I had to ask her to define some of the words she was using.

She was describing the details of a recent homily at her church.

"I don't know what a homily is. Isn't that something you eat like grits?"

"No Erin, that's HOMINY."

Chirp! Chirp!

2008-11-19T11:05:00.000-05:00

I know that not everyone's lives revolve around Ball State University like ours tends to...but we got QUITE the shoutout on Letterman!

Things that go "D" in the Night

2008-11-18T08:10:00.000-05:00

I don't consider myself a "scaredy cat" type of person. Every creak or pop doesn't unnerve me. Clowns - no big deal? Heights - bring em on! Peanut Butter sticking to the roof of my mouth - the more PB the better!

However, I have always been afraid of inanimate objects that act too lifelike. Talking dolls or animals - stuff that moves in a way that's too human gives me the creeps. If I had been "Belle" at that magic castle with the talking candlesticks and clocks I would have taken my chances of being eaten by the Beast than stay ONE NIGHT! I have a very horrible fear of Ventriloquist Dummies. I am mature enough now that I don't have a panic attack on sight of them, but I also don't look any longer than I have to.

One of the fun gifts Madeline got for her birthday was a talking puzzle of ABCs. It's a really nice wood puzzle that says the letter when you put the piece in and gives you a word that starts with that letter. "D is for Dostoevsky" Ok, I'm kidding about that, but that would be super cool for all of us Literature lovers out there! I digress....

I put the puzzle away at first thinking it was too hard for her right now. But after a hard day I pulled it out with the hopes that it would entertain Madeline long enough for me to, say, go to the bathroom by myself. She not only loved the puzzle, but learned quickly where some of the letters go. A few nights later the puzzle was sitting on the floor of the living room when I sneaked down to the kitchen for a glass of water. (Read: chocolate) As I flipped the kitchen light off I hear "O is for Olive" and about jumped out of my skin. What creepy person had gotten into my house and was reciting the alphabet? I flipped the light back on. "P is for Pretzel" I ran back upstairs into the safety of my warm bed and Mr. Smith and Wesson.

Obviously the next morning I figured out it was the puzzle but it still gave me the Heebs. I put it up on the bookshelf thinking maybe the floor moving when I walked was causing it to talk to me. But the next night as I flipped on the light - "C is for Carrot"

I guess it's something I'm going to have to get used to. Maybe I'll put it by the front door in case anyone breaks in to the house they'll get as creeped out as I did...

Fit for a queen! or...King

2008-11-12T10:12:00.000-05:00

My husband and I recently took a wonderful trip to Hilton Head Island in South Carolina. Our parents kept Madeline and we got to enjoy long days at the beach, moonlight walks, shopping, and best of all - naps! We were blessed with a large King-sized bed to enjoy. We have a Queen size in our Master bedroom so it was a nice little (or not so little) extra!

What I realized was that I could sleep the entire night without once knocking into my husband. If you ask him, he will tell you I have "jimmy legs" which sometimes actualy morphs into "Jimmy arms" as well. Every day we have to tuck the sheet and duvet back in because of my nightly ballet. But in this - this paradise of space we didn't disturb each other a bit.

I was all the sudden jealous of all my friends who had king-sized beds. My husband could sleep through the night, and I could do my triple axles in peace. However, I am an "edge of the bed" sleeper. No matter how big or small the bed is, I always snuggle right up to the edge. Steve said he spent a few minutes each night, fishing around in the enormous bed trying to find me. Although we're sleeping, the 8 (ok 6 in his case) hours in our bed is the most time we get together and - though it may keep him from perfect REM, I like knocking into him on occasion throughout the night. On the rare occasion I have the bed to myself, I can't sleep right. I need his cold feet and his sleep noises. I like knowing my best friend in the world is merely inches away. Though I will always enjoy the vacations to Lots of Legroom Land, I'm content for now, being a queen.

Someone special who could it be?

2008-11-05T07:52:00.000-05:00

Well, my little Republican heart is hurting this morning... ironically more that my constant Indiana went Democrat than the Preseidential win which was NO surprise to me....

I do have one small ray of light at the end of my tunnel.

Upon Us

2008-10-30T17:46:00.000-04:00

I simply cannot believe that it is Halloween already! The summer has truly flown by, and I think we totally missed fall! Our pumpkin is carved up and we have our Trick or Treating plan all mapped out!

Steve and I are both HUGE fan of Charles Shultz. We both loved the cartoons as kids and still love them and make sure we are home for their airing. (We are the only people left in the world who don't have DVR and I'm proud of it....) However, this year my MIL purchased the Great Pumpkin video for us so we broke it out a few weekends ago when we carved our pumpkin.

We told Madeline how much we loved the video, thinking she wouldn't be very interested. She sat through it and that was that.

However, now she says " Watch Charlie?" about 47 times a day. So - ONCE a day I cave and we watch Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin. But I have to wonder if it'll be as special to her as it was to us since she can have it "on demand." There's something to be said for a little wanting.

Less is More

2008-10-09T15:03:00.000-04:00

My husband turned me on to a Hemmingway story I've never heard before. I'm not the biggest Hemmingway fan . . . The Old Man and the Sea turned me off pretty quickly . . .

I was intrigued because he told me that one of Hemmingway's friends accused him of being too verbose, and challenged him to write a story in only 6 words.

In my Creative Writing classes in college I had a professor who made us write stories with only one syllable words, or make everyone start their story with the same line. I thought these were tough! I don't feel I can express myself in a Haiku let alone 6 words. So - here it is - Hemmingway's little masterpiece. I wouldn't have believed you could effectively communicate an entire story (let alone rising and falling action and denumount) in six words.
I stand corrected.

For Sale. Baby Shoes. Never Worn.

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

2008-10-07T18:32:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, we don't live in a traditional "neighborhood." There are a grand total of 5 houses on our street and I've come to really like it that way. Thus my growling at the 2 houses being built across the street... I miss the sidewalks and sometimes the noise, but for the most part I like it out here.

It's interesting, I don't know if it's because we live out in the country or what - but we have a really fantastic relationship with our neighbors one one side. Let's call them Ken and Barbie. They're pretty much like our second set of parents. I couldn't even begin to describe all that they have done for us - from watching Madeline when we were in a jam, to helping up weed our garden or mow our lawn. Steve and I constantly talk about just how lucky we are to have these neighbors. They adore Madeline and we trust them with her implicitly.

They have a gorgeous home, an impeccable yard (I would dare you to try to find a weed!), yard upon yard of gorgeous garden, and a pool they let us swim in!

Now contrast them with our "other" neighbors. Let's call them the Skys. They built their house only shortly after we built ours. Does it have curtains yet? No. If Steve and I have the hankering to sit out on our balcony or porch - we can see right into the children bedrooms. They take care of their yard, but have let these really odd looking weeds grow up just along the driveway. At first I thought they were some type of exotic tree or something. Then I saw them sprouting up all around their house. I told Steve that I"m just going to go over there one night and weed wack them all! I think we've maybe said 10 words to them this year (5 of those being "Hi.") It is just such an interesting contrast to have neighbors that we truly count as close friends, and neighbors - equidistant, whom we don't.

I'm not assigning blame - I know they're busy and I could have gone over there with muffins or something. It's just that we clicked with one set of neighbors and certainly not with the other. I guess that's just the way it goes.

"Before I built a wall. I'd ask to know What I was walling in or walling out, And to whom I was like to give offence"

Kids Kids Kids

2008-09-25T14:07:00.000-04:00

I've always been one of those people that believe that there are a LOT of people in this world who shouldn't have children. I mean, you have to pass a test to learn to drive, but just anyone can have a child.

I know it probably goes against everything I believe about living in a free society, but I kind of agree with this judge's decision.

When I first saw the headline that a judge mandated that this women not to have any more kids, I thought it was because she had like 17 kids or something (a practice that part of me wouldn't oppose) imagine my surprise.....

What do YOU think?

It's a rich man's world?

2008-09-16T20:13:00.001-04:00

OK, I can't hold it in anymore. I have to admit I don't understand why some people are SOOOOO against privatization. I'm not saying everything in the entire United States needs to be privatized, but seriously...... isn't it competition that has made this country great? That has kept us on the edge? That has kept us from becoming stagnant?

It wasn't all that long ago that the US Postal Service *ahem unionized monopoly* told us they couldn't get something across the country overnight. That is was impossible? But - what do you know? Some competition pops up who CAN get it there overnight, and - BAM so can the USPS.

Remember how expensive long distance calls where? When it was the government who regulated it? You couldn't have an answering machine or caller id! I remember my mom giving my sister an egg timer to watch when she talked to her boyfriend in Florida. But, once again - competition steps in - quality increases and prices fall.

The last thing in the entire world that I want is the government stepping in and telling more of what I can and cannot do on issues that have nothing to do with other peoples safety. Big government doesn't want to allow stupid people to be stupid. Do I think people should wear seat belts? Of course! Do I think I need a law telling me that in my state that I live and pay taxes in, that I cannot CHOOSE to NOT wear a seat belt? Gag me! If someone is stupid enough to not wear a seat belt, I believe that is their right. I just happen to believe that the government has better things to do than spend thousands of taxpayers' dollars passing a bill that they really shouldn't have any right to pass.

Adventures in CoSleeping

2008-09-15T11:48:00.000-04:00

For anyone whose had a baby in the last - m - 5-8 years knows all about "Attachment Parenting." It's basically holding your baby as much as humanly possible while they're light enough to hold. Cosleeping, breastfeeding etc etc etc......

Everyone does certain amounts of attachment parenting - but others take it to quite an extreme. That's fine with me as I think it's everyone's personal choice.

The choice was however, not for me. YES I held my baby all the time, YES I breastfed and practiced positive discipline. I drew the line at co-sleeping however - for many reasons. 1) I was too afraid of 3 people in one queen sized bed. 2) Um, I would like to have one private area of my home where I am an island unto myself. Of course Madeline and I snuggled there and we all spent many a Saturday morning playing as a family on our big bed. But nighttime? That's mine! Yes I (happily?) nursed 2-3 times a night, but by the end of a day at hoom with my daughter, I was "touched out." And treasured the few minutes when I could have total peace and quiet alone or with my husband. Nighttime was the time he and I got together and keeping that as our own kept our marriage strong and my sanity in tact.

However, as Madeline's gotten bigger, Steve and I both enjoy the few moments where she'll actually stop and cuddle with us. They are few and far between so they're a treasure. Sometimes as night when we'd check on her we'd say "Oh let's put her in bed with us!" and then we'd go on with our night. But the other night I told him that we really were going to do it.

It was around 11 so we were both ready to turn in. Steve slipped into her room and brought her into ours. We all snuggled up into bed, and as I inhaled her I thought, "Why haven't we done this for a long time?" She was quiet and still. We were all huddled in for our night when we heard "PAN! PAN!" as she pointed to the fan going. Then she proceeded to go through every word in her vocabulary.

KEN! BETTY! MAMA! GRAMPA! CHEESE! OCTAPUS!

She Shhhhhed her and she rolled over and koala-ed onto Steve. I was a little jealous but felt myself start to get sleepy. Then her noggin smashed into mine. "Mama" her little hot breath on my face. I gave her 491 kisses and told her I loved her. I wrapped my arms around her and thought we had discovered the best little secret in the world.

"PAN!PAN!" "YIGHT! YIGHT!!!!!"

After about 5 more minutes of non-stop talk, scratching of nails, and getting whapped in the head with her various limbs, I decided Cosleeping was STILL not an option for us. Steve deposited her back in her crib and we, once again, enjoyed a nice night's sleep all by ourselves.

Everybody knows everybody

2008-09-08T20:59:00.001-04:00

When my husband first told me he lived in Pendleton, I said, "Where is THAT?" I can't say that I was in love at first sight with the house and the 5 acres. (Ok , maybe the house.....) Things like "tractors" and "composting" were not in my vocabulary. Passing combines on the road was not something I was particularly excited about.

I've never been that good with change. I like what I know and I see no reason to go about upsetting that balance. Moving from an apartment complex where I could hear (and smell) the neighbors' Chinese take out order, to moving to a street with 5 houses on it was one of the larger changes I've made in my life. I'm surprised at how quickly what was so far out of my comfort zone is now my status quo. As I walked to the garden tonight to pick some fresh tomatoes and peppers from my garden, I realized that I was walking the equivalent of some people's entire front and back yards. It was so quiet and Serene - no neighbors encroaching on me with their loud dogs and burnt barbecue. The few people who actually drive by our house on the street are all people we know by name. It's just the norm. I'm certainly not saying that this life is better than those in a suburb (I totally miss sidewalks) or that "country" life is for everyone, but I'm surprised that it's turned out to be for me.

Perfect 10!

2008-08-24T15:45:00.000-04:00

So we got what we THOUGHT was a bounce house that Madeline would enjoy, but it ended up being this waterslide. I insisted on trying it anyway. I don't think I'm going to the Olympics anytime soon.

That funny little girl

2008-08-11T20:06:00.000-04:00

It's been an insane last few weeks and for that I shall blame my tardiness in posting. Tonight is the first night I've sat down and caught up on things on my computer. ~Sigh~

As we close in on Madeline's 2nd birthday (Is that even possible? Really?) I find myself looking more and more at her newborn pictures. I remember my sister saying, "They're newborns for such a short time." It didn't register at the time, but it has proven so true. The days are long but the months are short. They go from farm fresh babies like above to little people who ask to talk to their little friends on the phone!!

I recently had the wonnnnnnnnnnderful luxery of attending a Girls Night Out with some of my Momma Friends. We went and saw Mamma Mia! and ate at the Cheesecake Factory. It was so much fun to be out with them all and cram about 6 months worth of conversation into as many hours. The food was sooooooooooooooooooooo good and I left with belly and heart both full.

It was my first exposure to this musical and the girls on either side of me were kind enough to help me with the plot and provide me with napkins during the unforewarned excruciatingly sad parts.

It made me feel lucky to have such wonderful friends to whom I didn't have to explain why I was crying and with whom I could, for the first time, close down a restaurant.

Walk the Dog

2008-07-31T14:03:00.000-04:00

Dear Mr. Ma,

I just wanted to let you know that I will be seeing you in about a month. I am sure you are wondering where I have been! I, of course, being your greatest fan.

You may thank my sweet sweet husband for sneakily getting us tickets and a hotel room so that we could enjoy some time away from our baby whilest enjoying the greatness which is YOU!

Sincerely,

E Fulton

Baby it's loud outside

2008-07-22T13:51:00.000-04:00

I know I am a grown woman, but I HATE thunderstorms! What's funny is that I Haven't always hated them, and I still don't hate the cozy kind you can curl up and read or snuggle to. I just hate the loudy crashy ones that come out of nowhere in the middle of the night.

Last night I had the worst headache known to man, and after a loooong neckrub from Steve and half a Tylenol PM I was ready to sleep. Sweet exhaustion! Then - all the sudden it was like God decided to cook and he was cracking the cosmic eggs on the top of our house!

One minute I'm dreaming of being back in college, and the next I'm nearly jumping out of bed with each thunderstrike. Steve knows I hate them so he was giving me those comforting pats..... we watched the monitor for our little monkey to wake up but she didn't. (But don't you dare flush the toilet or bark during her nap - it's her proverbial "Reveille.")

What is it about a thunderstorm, do you think, that makes rational people get freaked out? We have a strong brick house, we have a basement, we even have a weather radio! It just seems like it's Nature getting really miffed about something and I don't really like to tick off Nature. That never ends well for people.

Too Late

2008-07-14T20:13:00.000-04:00

Have you ever picked up a book and, before you even read it, you know it's going to make you feel bad? But, in a good way - by stretching you and reminding you what's really important? Tonight while I was at the library beefing up my reading list (We Need to Talk About Kevin) I stumbled upon this.

I'll be up late tonight!

Kiss me and Smile for me

2008-07-03T13:51:00.000-04:00

Well I leave tomorrow for 4 days with my family in PA! I am sad to leave my daughter and husband behind though. But we didn't think subjecting Madeline to a 10 hour car ride was going to be fun for anyone. Not when she hates the car more than just about anything. So - it'll be just like I'm 14 - going on vacation with my parents in the RV. `sigh`

My niece is coming along, and my gramma. In fact - this whole sha-bang is for my Gramma's 90th birthday. She was born on the 4th of July. So, we are all going out to PA to be with her and her side of the family. I need to pack yet - but I have the important things done - like my books and my ipod.

Steve will be taking care of Madeline all by himself for 4 days. That is a LONG TIME! She's been grumpy lately so it'll be extra laborious. I'm going to tell him to write in here at least once, so if he does be nice to him and leave lots of nice comments. ;)

A way to a woman's heart

2008-06-27T21:36:00.001-04:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE the diamonds! MMMMMMMMMM sparkly!

But, sometimes it's the sweet, non-three-month-salary- presents that mean the most.

I've been yucky and sick most of the week - so has the baby which has compounded the situation. Steve, being a few days ahead of us in the cold, has been taking great care of us.

Tonight, as I sat sniffing on our bed poking around ebay, he presented me with a beautiful little box!

Can you smell it?

An all cheese pizza from Hungry Howies. (aka the best pizza place ever)

YES the pizza was delicious....but it was nicer that he went out of his way to do it.

g'job baby!

Buy me some peanuts and Crackerjacks

2008-06-25T12:21:00.000-04:00

You, gentle readers, are getting a rare treat by getting a picture of me. Everyone knows how I feel about the camera, but I wanted to pay homage to Steve and my yearly picture at Victory Field. We got a lightening show and ended up ducking into the Ram with some friends to wait out the "horrible storm." ;) It was nice to be away from the baby for a few hours and get back to our roots. Like falling in love at a baseball game.

I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls brought me here

2008-06-07T12:35:00.000-04:00

It's been a crazy week in the Fulton household. As many of you know we've been in the midst of our first ever basement flood.

I have heard people talk about having their basements flood but I have not ever had true empathy until now. Steve woke me up about 6:00 on Wednesday telling me that he needed my helping bailing out the sump pump. Our electricity had been out since 2 in the morning and the battery backup couldn't keep up with the gallons of water coming into the house. We got every available bucket, trashcan and towel in the house and commensed trying to save the basement. What we couldn't see (literally because it was still dark) was that the damage had been pretty much done. One generator, shop-vac, and helpful family members later we surveyed the damage. Every square inch of carpet in the basement was squising with water. The theater was the worst. I tried to go in and rescue one of the subwoofers but seeing as it weighed 2.5 hundred pounds I couldn't get it far.

Steve's brother came up and helped bail out with buckets and my father came and shop vac-ed for most of the day. I was really struck my how lucky we were to have so many amazing family members come to our aid!

It was truly depressing - even after the water sucker people came. They have drained the basement two times, put 15 fans in the basemet, 2 dehumidifiers, and pulled one cabnet totally off the wall. (so far.....there could be more) Steve and I were just beside ourselves devistated. This same basement I had been so happy to have during the Friday night Tornado scare, I was now cursing. I kept saying "I HATE NATURE!"

I know we are lucky - I do - so many had it far worse than we. It's just frustrating to see something you view as your greatest asset have something so horrible happen to it.

Grrrrrr

It had been an exhausting few days for us - especially Steve.

Thursday night we sneaked away to a hotel downtown. My MIL came to watch Madeline and we enjoyed some PF Changs, Cinnabon, shopping, and sleeping in! It's amazing how just being out of the 4 (soggy) walls of your own house can lighten your mood. It wasn't long before we were laughing and able to really relax. (Especially since we had a king size bed so big I could do a triple axle in my sleep and not even come close to Steve.)

We went to an Indians game last night with Ball State to top off our little holiday. Victory Field is quite special to us since we met there. It was rainy and humid and I couldn't have looked worse if I had been in solitary confinement for a week.....but Steve didn't see to mind. Between the lightening and the fireworks we had quite the show.

I feel so lucky to have someone who loves me enough to think of me, even when he is 100 times more stressed.

"Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be - the last of life- for which the first was made."

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

2008-05-29T20:59:00.000-04:00

UPDATE

Mama bird who has decided to live under our balcony is short 2 eggs. I walked past the nest as I turned on the sprinkler and saw only 2 eggs where there had been four.

I suppose it's too much to hope that her little birdies hatched early, learned to fly, and took off for their own little pad.

Post hoc ergo Propter Hoc

2008-05-28T09:57:00.000-04:00

This morning while I was feeding Madeline breakfast I decided to catch up on some news. Since the 11 o clock news is only filled with children dying and people being murdered and horrible earthquakes, I've boycotted it for a while. Instead I make my husband watch America's Funniest Home Videos with me so that at least we go to bed laughing, not thinking about horrible the world is.

Anywho, my husband has a penchant for CNN (ick) or shall I say Robin on their morning show. (ha ha) It was on so I just left it on. She had a story about how the more lead that children have in their systems the more violent they were. She went on to site how some new study showed that the more lead in your system the more violent you tended to be. So, as I brunched with Madeline on some bananas and oatmeal, I wondered how that could possibly be true. What on earth could be in the led to make you violent?

Then, I remembered this little book I read recently called Freakonomics. The author states that so many times the media will get all HYPED up over something like this when they aren't looking at the entire picture. So I started thinking..... ok - led. YES there's been a HUGE media freak-out about toys filled with led from China. And I agree it's shameful! But, there's never been a documented case of lead poisoning in a child that came from toys. Most of the cases of lead poisoning came from - you guessed it - old paint. Lead dust to be exact. So houses built in pre-78 will most likely contain paint with lead in it.

As I considered this I thought about the fact that many of my friends (born in the early 80s) lived in new construction. However I realized that many children who grew up in older homes or apartment complexes would have been exposed to lead dust even though I may not have been. Unfortunately, the people who would be forced to live in extremely old, sometimes decaying homes would be the underprivileged. They have enough to overcome as it is without worrying about lead paint inhalation. It is many times those complexes- those "areas" of town that, as soon as they get run down, turn into havens for criminals. And it often repeats itself. Also, there are often muti-generational households in those areas so even children the age of mine could be dealing with true lead danger.

I just thought it was a little ridiculous for CNN to not look at such an obvious link. Not one person thought....."Hmm are there any OTHER possible links between lead paint and violence? Any other socioeconomic or cultural factors?" Nope - might as well just scare every person out there that if they've so much as held a contaminated toy from China their children will be destined for Juvy.

Ironically, my husband send me this article a few hours ago. I don't mean to go all Libertarian on you but - we parents have ENOUGH real things to worry about. I'm so tired of wasting time worrying about stuff that really doesn't matter.

Didn't leave nobody but the baby

2008-05-27T20:03:00.000-04:00

We discovered this little nest under our balcony. It made a nest awfully low in our climbing vines by where we keep the wood. I was hooking up Madeline's sprinkler and decided to trim some of the dead vines when I saw this little nest. I immediately backed away so that Momma bird could return. I pointed it out to Steve and we both worried that I had scared her away.

BUT - we saw her the next day, sitting happily on top of her babies -to -be. (phew) There are 4 little eggs in there that I just can't wait to watch hatch! I don't know what type of bird it is so I have decided it is a Mockingbird since they are my favourite.

"Shoot all the jaybirds you want if you can hit 'em. But don't you shoot a mockingbird. It's a sin to kill a mockingbird."

I am now checking on her every day and am afraid either the dogs or I will scare her away!

In the pictures you can see if you really look. In the second picture you can see the nest at the top of where the vines are. The third is really blurry, but shows the eggs well.

I don't know why such a small thing like a bird's nest is giving me so much joy but - oh well.

Inside Erin's studio

2008-05-19T20:48:00.000-04:00

1. What is your favorite word?

Juxtapose

2. What is your least favorite word?

Moist

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Beautiful Music

4. What turns you off?

Negativity

5. What sound or noise do you love?

Fire crackling

6. What sound or noise do you hate?

Whining

7. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

(I am going to exclude Teacher since I will always be one of those even though I'm a SAHM)

Acting

8. What profession would you not like to do?

Retail

9. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

"Well done."

He who dies with the most toys . . .

2008-05-13T20:16:00.000-04:00

. . . still dies.

I was perusing babble.com recently (it's one of my fave parenting sites) and came across yet another good article on saving.

I especially like the line: "We're going to have a lot of peers suffering through retirement with $200 diaper bags they can't trade in for prescriptions."

I'm guilty too, not of 200 dollar diaper bags (I can't even imagine, and even if I could my husband would thankfully bring me down to reality), but of just wanting. There's always a new toy I want for Madeline or a cute little outfit I'd love her to have. But, like the author says, "There's no way to fix it other than to re-define what makes us happy."

I truly have more than I could ever want and more than many in other countries could ever dream of. Shame on me.

Bookie

2008-05-12T19:50:00.001-04:00

I know I haven't been the best about writing in this blog. I don't really have a good reason. I could say I am busy, but I am no busier than usual. I do think the nice weather has a little to do with it. Why hole up inside when Madeline and I can be outside chasing ducks or playing with rocks? Perhaps it's because the few things that have been on my heart aren't exactly lighthearted, ergo they don't seem like nice light things to blog about.

On another note, I've been tearing through my reading list like nobody's business. I have some book recommednations that are absolute must reads! Others that almost made me die of boredom...

1. The Poisonwood Bible
I am a little late to the game here, as it was Oprah's book club book like 10 years ago. I don't know what even possessed me to pick it up. But it was SO GOOD! It's long, but it took me under a week to read. It's the story of a conservative religious family who spends one year in the Congo in Africa. A husband, wife and 4 daughters take turn narrating the book which gives it a nice perspective and keeps the pace up. I can't put my finger on why I liked this book so much, but it was a life changer.

2. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
This was a recommendation from my librarian. I am SO glad she told me to read it. I would put it as a "top 5" greatest reads of mine of all time. I want to read it again as it's sort of like the movie "Crash." It'll make better sense and I'll love it even more the second time around. It's about a child whose father dies on 9/11 and he's working through both his grief, and a little mystery that his father leaves behind. Gripping is the one word I would use to describe it.

3. A Wolf at the Table
This is a Burroughs book. I've read all of his books (except Sellevision which is on order for me at my library) A memoir of his Father. It's hard to believe that people grow up so terrible here in the United States. It made me want to hug my dad, and to thank him for what a great father he was.

4. No Country for Old Men
I wanted to read this before I saw the movie. It's the first McCarthy book I've read and was prepared to have my mind blown. Instead I was having to pump myself up to keep turning the pages. First, it's set in the West which always turns me off. It's also told in 3 voices which is fine, but it doesn't tell you whose voice is whose. Perhaps he was following in the steps of James Joyce, but Ulysses this is not...

5. The Blessing of Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self Reliant Children
I *HEART* THIS BOOK. It is the best parenting book out there in my opinion. In an age when every child rearing book is telling you too look at your child's throwing a tantrum as a good thing, to make every chore a game, to hardly ever tell them no - this book was refreshing! She not only goes against the grain, but tells WHY she does - which I love. (e.g. Don't try to make every single hard thing your child does fun. - Picking up clothes, picking up toys, waiting patiently. Instead, let them know that there are certain things that are expected of them, like picking up their toys, and they will not be rewarded for it. It's simply something you do as part of your family and out of respect for your parents.) This is something every parent should read!

6. Rich Dad, Poor Dad - What the rich teach their children about Money, and what the poor and middle class do not.
I got this because of the title. My husband snatched it away from me and read it right away. He has proselytized the book to nearly everyone we know. It's a slow start, but full of good principles that may not seem like the "normal" ways to teach your children about money.

7. The Year of Magical Thinking
This is a book about a woman's life during the year after her husband's death. I thought it would be splendid - a memoir about grief and healing. I couldn't follow it and it seemed more like a college lecture than reading material. I didn't finish this one...

8. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
This is a memoir by the former French Editor of (I believe) Vogue magazine. He experienced a terrible stroke and then "Locked in" syndrome. Wherein, he could only blink one eye. That was the only way he could communicate with someone. A nurse took it upon herself to come up with an extraordinary way to let him "speak" with his eyelid. It's unreal.... a true tale of persistence and what it so enjoyable about life. A movie was made last year by the same name and they did a great job with it in my opinion.

That's all for now....I actually have a baby in bed and a husband out of the house so I mustn't waste any more time!

Everyone in their place

2008-05-02T19:13:00.000-04:00

I was minding my own business. I was wrestling with Madeline on the floor when the phone rang. It annoyed me. I HATE it when people call my home phone. That's the reason we don't give it out. It's SO loud and people seem to be prone to call during naptime, bedtime, or think that 10:30pm or 6:00 am is an okay time to call. I rolled my eyes and picked up the phone. I knew immediately that it was some type of telemarketer because I had to say "Hello" 98 times before they answered.

This is what I heard, " ofjsfna;skfj ;asldkfjaowjkjasidufya ewr fassf;laskjdfasj Hillary Clinton asdflaksdfjasudyr dna;oksdfydkchfuhd alkjsdfid vote asfjapsierhawnkdppslenfp primary. Count on you?" (Ok, maybe there weren't that many semicolons...) I said "I'm sorry sir. I won't be voting in the presidential primary."

"Why not?" (Said rudely)

"Well, I'm a registered Republican." (Said nicely)

"OH!" (Said in sincere shock)

Yes, sir, I know you aren't calling a primarily Republican area, but please don't act so shocked that there are still some of us who have escaped extinction. You can take the girl out of Hamilton County... (thought quietly)

"Sorry..." (Said nicely)

LONG PAUSE

"Well, I won't keep you . . . you go out and spend all that money of yours."

Now, is it just me or was that totally inappropriate? If you're calling ME representing the Democratic party or even Spam for that matter, don't smart off to me as that will only make me dislike you and permanently despise whatever it is your pushing. And if you want to go drudging up archaic stereotypes then . . . you'd better be prepared to have a long telephone conversation.

I was SO proud of myself for not snapping back at him. I opened my mouth to say something to say something equally smarty back (it was really good too . . . ) but decided cognitively to be the bigger person. I hung up and put it out of my mind.

Until now...

grrrrrrr

At Last . . . my love has come along

2008-04-07T11:59:00.001-04:00

Daft Punk

2008-04-03T08:20:00.000-04:00

Don't feel much like writing so I'll share a unique video that my hubby showed me.

Because I could not stop for death

2008-03-31T10:32:00.001-04:00

It was a normal Saturday morning. Steve had gotten up with the baby while I caught up on some Zs. (I know, he's wonderful!!) That night we had both caught a whiff of something that smelled "hot." When I plunked downstairs a little later, I noticed that the furnace was making a horrible squeaking and whirring noise. "No!" I said to myself "It can't be the furnace!" It can't be the top of the line furnace that was put into our home 3 short years ago by one of the "best" HVAC companies in Indiana. Not the "best" unit they make so that we wouldn't have to replace it for 30 some odd years! Not THAT furnace! Yep, that furnace!

We ignored it for a while, thinking that it was just cold and would work itself out. Ha! Within 10 minutes we both noticed that horrible smell again. I told Steve he was going to have to call them on Monday because this was nuts! We have had NOTHING BUT PROBLEMS WITH THIS UNIT SINCE IT WAS PUT IN! However it became clear that something was going to have to be done ASAP. He called the company in question and was.....promptly put on hold. Meanwhile, I walked back upstairs and was greeted by smoke coming out of each and every vent! It smelled like burned rubber! I shouted down to Steve and we started turning on all of the fans in the house, and opening up doors. Apparently we didn't do it soon enough. The fire alarms went off. I say alarms because every single fire alarm in our house is linked together. If one goes of - they all go off!

The dogs start flipping out. They hate the fire alarms even more than the dryer. They're barking and whining and trying to climb up our legs. I am trying to cover little Madeline's ears while pulling her out of her high chair. Steve finally gets taken off hold and tells the *very caring* secretary that we need someone to come out because there is smoke coming out of all of our vents. She tells him to call the fire department and hangs up. (Yeah, if you have never seen someone literally spit bullets before you should have seen us!) I called my neighbor and asked her if we could come hang out at her house for a while. She of course said yes so we traipse over there with some snacks and toys. Meanwhile Steve is on the phone with the local fire department explaining that nothing is on fire, at least that we could see, but the house was filled with smoke.

The PFD, being overjoyed that it wasn't just a "cat in a tree" (it's a reeeeeeally small town), sent out a firetruck et al . . . I saw them wheeling in all kinds of "gear" to the house. They did a through investigation and found that the motor in our "top of the line" furnace had basically blown up and caught on fire. That's just great! And yes, this is the same "top of the line" furnace that had the Mother Board go out, the damper fuse shut, and the thermostat stop working. If this was a car it would be a lemon, no questions asked! They set up some industrial fans to blow out the smoke so that our clothes and walls wouldn't smell like rubber smoke. One fireman said to Steve, "The good news is that there's no damage to the house, the bad news is that we're going to have to take your Camaro with us." Ha ha! They were nice folks and very helpful.

Meanwhile, Madeline and I were camped out at Ken and Betty's house playing with beanie babies. Betty was SO AWESOME and just let Madeline wander around looking at and getting into everything. About 45 minutes later we got the all clear sign from Steve so we came back home. The HVAC company was going to send someone out to look at the problem (after Steve called back and reminded them about our smoke issue). He ended up coming (2 hours later than they said he would be there) and basically saying there was nothing he could do for us until Monday. YUM! I can't wait until we need another furnace because we are TOTALLY getting one from you! (NOT!!!)

So, we had quite the start to our morning! I had some errands to run so I packed up the car and left Madeline and Steve home to deal with the HVAC man. I dropped off a load at Goodwill (why does that always feel SO good?) and returned some things at Kohls while meeting up with Emily to return Gabby's precious lovey. We drooled over baby clothes for a while, and then after she left I wandered over to Juniors to see if there was anything on the 80% off rack I couldn't live without. I got a text from one of my former students, asking if I had "heard" about another student of mine. A million things raced through my mind, most of which were not very good. I answered her with a "no" and hoped that maybe it was something good. Maybe he got into Harvard or something. A few minutes later she called me back and I could tell from her tone that it was not good news. I think I knew it my bones right then that it was the worst possible news, but I kept "hoping" for something else. Maybe it's just some gossip - maybe he got a DUI or got kicked out of his house. But, she isn't one to spread rumors, so there wasn't much hope in my thoughts.

"He killed himself yesterday."

You know how in the movies when someone gets really bad news they always like fall to their knees in slow motion? You always hear their pounding heart and see them clutch their chest. It always seems just a little melodramatic. Right as she said it I felt my knees start to collapse. I sort of limped over to a display and sat down. I notice some people look at me as I peppered the phone with questions. My chest felt like someone had blown up a huge balloon inside of it and I couldn't come up with a pin to relieve it. If I had had anything of substance to eat, it would have all come up I'm just sure of it.

She filled me in with the little information she knew and told me she'd call back when she found out more about funeral arrangements. I just sat there stunned. I had him in class for one year. He took British Literature with me. He was a good kid. I remember that he wrote an excellent research paper on government subsidy of farmland, and that he was the only member of the basketball team who could dunk. He had a real sweetness to him. His mom was also a teacher and his dad worked at the school as well, so even after he graduated he would still hang around here and there. He would poke his head into my classroom and say "Heeeeeeeeeeeeey Miss Van" real silly. I believe the last time I saw him was at another former student's funeral.

I called Steve and told him the news - needing to try to relieve some the pressure in my chest and pain in my heart. He didn't know exactly what to say, but tried his best to let me know he understood. I came right home and pretty much just went to bed and cried for a while. he let me be, which was exactly what I needed. After a while, he suggested we all get cleaned up and go to dinner at Panera. It was nice to go out alone as a family and Madeline ate more broccoli soup than I did!

As I have tried to make sense of all of this in my head over the past 48 hours, Steve has been as strong, as sensitive, and as supportive as ever. He listened to me when I talked, and didn't push me when I didn't want to say a word. He took over Madeline responsibilities 100% and didn't mention a thing when I left my dirty dishes out, or decided to eat taffy and pretzels for dinner. I feel very fortunate to have him during this hard time. I am very blessed.

I have been trying to reconcile everything in my head. Why someone so young with so much life ahead of him would make such a drastic decision. My memories of him are not of a morose, unhappy teenager, but a shy, sweet kid who worked extra hard. I had to admit that my thoughts over the past days have been mostly selfish and only a few times have I paused to think of his family - perhaps because when I try to put myself in their shoes, I literally feel the weight of something that is truly too much to bear. I know now firsthand the love you have for your children and I do not know how I could find the strength to put one foot in front of the other. I guess I can only pray for them to have strength and that I will try to never overlook possible signs in my own child. It just sort of makes a fire that didn't destroy anything seem a little trivial.

Gather ye Rosebuds While Ye May
Old Time is still a'flying
And this same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will e dying.

Not the Mama

2008-03-26T08:06:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I got to spend the ENTIRE day with my mom. We went shopping, ran errands, ate a nice lunch, and just generally enjoyed spending time together. Mommy got lots of new clothes for her upcoming vacation, lots of deals on clothes for Madeline (including the CUTEST Easter dress EVER for next year) and even a few things for Steve! :)

Madeline spent the whole day with her Gramma Ellie and she said that Madeline was a very good girl and was walking up a storm! (YAY!) I got home so late that Steve had allllllmost put her to bed, but I swooped in just in time and got to cover her with kisses. I missed being away from her all day SO much.....I just don't know how working moms do it! Steve even said she said "Momma?" when the back door would open which made me feel awful good....

It was nice to be the "daughter" again and have my mom dote on me. I was totally responsibility free! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....... I feel very fortunate to live so close and be so close to my mother, she is one of my closest friends.

Mommy came home so exhausted she fell asleep around 9:30. Too bad Madeline decided she wanted to get up at 6:00 this morning!

The more the merrier?

2008-03-20T13:28:00.000-04:00

I have a secret indulgence, and that is - SuperNanny. I LOVE this show. It's not my husband's favourite, but I can usually talk him into watching it with me. I am just constantly appalled at how horribly these children act. Lately, every family she has visited seems to have a baker's dozen! I don't feel like anyone (including the government) should "regulate" how many children a given family has, but yet . . . is there a point where "enough is enough" ? I know this sounds cold, and I don't mean for it to. I just.....I wonder how families do it! Ok, John and Kate is one thing - they had half a dozen at once and obviously didn't plan for it. But I've known many a family to have 5,6,7,8 children, and usually they're very close together. First of all, the expense has to be enormous. The bills alone for the delivery and pediatrician visits! Between ear infections and reflux we've paid a king's ransom for Madeline's medicine alone! Clothes, food, laundry . . . never mind trying to pay for school or college. I am amazed and really curious at how families can do it in this day and age.

I watched a documentary once where one family had 16 or 17 kids... they seemed SO happy and SO well adjusted. They were insanely organized and they were debt free! I was in awe!! However, even that being said, what about personal time with their parents? How can you possibly give your children the attention and affection they need when you have so many?

Come back to me on this. Many people say there is a "socially acceptable" number of children. Do you believe that? What is that number? Does/did the dictate how many children you want or have? Do you think there is such a thing as "too many" ? How many is too many if you think there is such a number? Am I way off base?

If it ain't broke...

2008-03-19T15:28:00.000-04:00

I just read the best article over at Babble.com. It's a site I frequent often because they have very witty and informative articles for parents. This article was about how much money today's parents are spending on their children. If its not toys, then it's music lessons and horseback riding, gynastics and ice hockey, private school tuition and private tennis lessons. This article explores why today's parents, "Spend their 529 at Target." It's a must read if you ask me.

I love the commercial on right now (it's some bank, I don't remember which) where you see a guy in a older model car saying goodbye to his colleague in a nice car and then going home. The narration says that yes, I could be spending my money on things I want, but there are more important things in life to save for. At the end you see his wife with a cute little baby bump. It makes me happy to see a commercial unlike every other one we see encouraging us to buy buy buy! It makes me feel just a little bit vindicated for not overindulging my child. Truth is, YES I feel guilty when I don't buy her the latest and greatest of everything, but I know we're preparing for her future as well. It's all about balance. It's not so hard now, but it'll be hard not to feel like a "bad" parent when I am the only one who doesn't have my child in 4 different sports with private instructors, 3 different types of music lessons, and the latest ipod by the time she's 5. But that's ridiculous. I want to teach her temperance and appreciation for all she DOES have. I want her to get involved in giving to children in need, instead of the focus always being on her.

The article quotes one woman as saying, "My husband and I were just talking about this with friends. You can make $300,000 a year and you're just getting by. You're not saving anything,"

300,000 a year and "just getting by" !!! How does this happen??

I didn't realize how fortunate I was to have my parents pay for my entire college education. (I know I know.....) I didn't realize what a blessing it was to graduate from college debt free. Steve and I may not be able to or want to do that for Madeline, but at least we've tried to think ahead as to what was best for her. Granted, you can go too far the other way too - I'm not saying she should play with cardboard boxes and toilet paper rolls because every dime goes to her future. (We just bought her this and I'm very jazzed, though it's more a present for us than her!)

It just feels good to read an article that extolls the virtues of not only telling your child "no" once in a while, but being good stewards of what you have, and teaching them to your children.

Let us be sacrificers, but not butchers

2008-03-12T14:28:00.000-04:00

So, I have decided to make these cookies for the Ides of March. I'm going to make them tomorrow and let them harden for Steve to take into work on Friday. Of course, I will be making them sans red hots.

The Ides of March are when I seem to miss teaching most. It was one of the fun activities I used to do with them. I'd make them all crowns out of fake leaves, and let them dress up in sheets (over their clothes of course!) and act out the death scene (aka only good scene) from Julius Caesar.

Sigh.

When I find myself in times of trouble...

2008-03-10T21:59:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had someone say something to you - usually in passing - that just sorta sticks with you? They say it, and have NO intention of hurting your feelings or having you dwell on it for the next week or month or whatever..... but it just floats around in your head and you diagnose it every which way?

Hmmmph.

Why is that I wonder? Why can't I just "let it be"?

Boo Who?

2008-03-08T21:10:00.000-05:00

My nephew came over this evening in a sort of last minute change of plans. I always enjoy having him here and I think he enjoys coming. I know my husband enjoys having him because, as I type, they are 2 floors below me in the theater watching "Transformers" which I have out and out refused to watch. It is so loud my floor is literally vibrating. Boys.

We were all in the car getting gas and Steve was concerned with teaching Nathan a little parable about saving money for college and expensive things like gas. Meanwhile, I was concerned with more important matters - namely what he was reading in Freshman English. He said he was currently embroiled in "Animal Farm." We talked a little about it and then he said, "Well, we have another book we have to read....something like.....How To Kill a Mockingbird?"

Good thing I was in the backseat so he couldn't see my eyes bug out. I wasn't surprised at this "ignorance" - I mean he's only a Freshman, but I couldn't believe he wasn't overjoyed. Ok, I can't expect that either. I taught TKM (which is my favourite novel of all time) to my Sophomores every year, and even the ones who hated reading usually like it. I told him these encouraging words, to which he replied, "I just don't know how reading is going to affect my life. I mean, I know I know how to read, but I won't read once I don't I have to read." A fair statement. But I noticed my heart quicken. If Madeline ever said that to me I think I could cry a river. I never understood how people could not want to read. I was always so voracious for it. I tried to encourage him with out sounding too "teachery" or "out of touch" but I'm sure I was both.

Oh well.

"Neighbors bring food with death, and flowers with sickness, and other things in between. Boo was our neighbor. He gave us two soap dolls, a broken watch and chain, a pair of good lucky pennies, and our lives. But good neighbors give in return. We never put back into the tree what we had taken out of it. We had given him nothing, and it made me sad."

That's MRS. Cleaver to you!

2008-03-07T15:31:00.001-05:00

Here is what I am making for my surprise dinner guests this evening!

Chicken Parmesan

Olive Cheese Bread

Broccoli with Garlic Sauce

Apple Dumplings

Bread Pudding

My dress of choice

2008-03-06T12:19:00.001-05:00

Well worth the Pneumonia

2008-02-26T19:34:00.001-05:00

Last week, I had the privilege of attending Conner Prairie's "Hearthside Suppers." My MIL got sick the day of the event so my husband had to stay home with the baby :( but it was nice of him to offer because I was DESPERATE to get out of the house! So my brother was my date instead. It was actually nice to go with my brother and my parents. Sort of a throwback to family vacations 15 years ago. So anywho....we get there and meet the rest of our "party" (they cap the dinners at 12) and we got lanterns and walked out to our home for the evening. We were served smashed cheese or something (it had been chopped up and mixed with a bunch of other things that I couldn't see - it was very dark of course) as well as popcorn made in lard, and some spiced cider. YUM! We made small talk with each other and were then put to task in the kitchen. They gave each of us a job. Mine was to churn butter - literally - with that bucket thing and the stick. So I sat in a chair and pulled the stick up and down for about 15 minutes. The lady told me I had to sing to the butter to make it come out right. She asked me if I knew "Yankee Doodle" to which I answered, "I know God Save the Queen!" I opted not to sing at all. ;)

My dad's job was to grind the coffee, my brother had to peel potatoes with a dull knife, and my mom had to make dumplings (we grew up calling them Wolvers but that's another story) for the soup. It was nice in the kitchen doing all those old-timey things. I love to cook, but it was a good reminder of how GOOD we have it with electricity! It was actually kind of cool to feel the whip cream turn to butter, and to do things by candlelight in front of a huge roaring fire....

So we then went back to the dining room and chatted a bit and they brought out the soup course. It was some kind of chicken brothy soup which I thought tasted like a Thanksgiving turkey. I pushed it around my bowl a little. Next - the main course! We had "Shoat" which is, according to Wiki, a recently weaned piglet. (Yeah, I know) I of course didn't have any. There was also some chicken - but it was both one the bone AND dark meat so I passed on that as well. HOWEVER! I did make up for the 45 dollar price tag by stuffing myself with dill pickled green beans, mustard potatoes, and brandied peaches. The catch was - we had to "set" our own place as well as eat with our knife which they apparently did in 1836. It was a big fat steak type knife. The only thing that resembled a fork was a 2 pronged (SHARP) thing. I wasn't about to put that in my mouth. So the dinner was filled with the wonderful din of talking people and the "plopping" of food back onto the china.

After dinner we took a tour of the house which was very very interesting - and this from someone who pretty much hates American History. Afterward, we came back to the dining room for cheesecake - which tasted more like cheese than cake. (Can someone say "spoiled with processed food much?") we then played some games of the period. The first one entailed reading from cards. One was a question and the other was an answer. The person to your left asked a question and you answered with the answer on your card. For instance:

"Do you find consternation to be a problem among erudites?"
"I plant my corn in the summer"

Hahahaha opera laugh.

It was way lame and made me feel sorry for the pilgrims or settlers or Prarieans or whatever."

The second game was the "Telephone" game called something like "Village Gossip." No one could think of a starting phrase that was even remotely close to the time period. I finally came up with a Thoreau quote. "The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation." (I *heart* Thoreau!) The only problem was - that I had to "whisper" this to my mother who is 100% deaf in one ear, and about 50% deaf in the other ear. Even shouting it - it ended up something like "Women are desperate!" ha ha

Thus ended our evening and we walked back in the freezing cold, lanterns lit, to the main building where we all utilized the very modern bathrooms.

It was fun. I don't know if I'd ever do it again, but it was different which made it very very nice. It wasn't dinner and a movie, or shopping, or grilling out. It was totally different than anything I'd done before and it was nice to do it with my family. So, in the end, I have to give it a thumbs up.

Everything we need right here and everything we need is enough

2008-02-26T19:14:00.000-05:00

I have to officially say that my husband is Superman. He had been taking care of Madeline and me nonstop since Thursday! I'd been ordered to bed with no real choice about the whole thing. He took lots of time off work, made all the meals, did all the cleaning, even took Madeline to the doctor and held her during the helacious screaming that comes with the Doctor looking in her ear. (Ear infection!) He hasn't complained or grumbled ONCE! He's constantly checking on me to see if I need anything, bringing me breakfast and snacks in bed. He brings Madeline in for little visits and knows when I've had too much.

My parents kept Madeline overnight the first night, but Steve's been Momma and Daddy both since then. It's hard enough taking care of her all day - especially when she's sick and grouchy - but 2 of us that way can just be plain awful!

I know not all men are like that. He's been so loving and supportive, I hardly know how to begin to thank him. He, on the other hand, won't let me take care of him when he's sick, so it's not like I can exactly return the favour......but I do think some paella is in order!

Sometimes, we "old married folk" can get caught up in what each other does wrong, or in better words - not the way WE would do it. He did as good a job (or better actually) taking care of Madeline as I do AND was able to get other stuff done as well. I don't tell him enough that I appreciate everything he does. I am very very fortunate.

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls brought me here
And where was I before the day that I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know
That I am....The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you?
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike-Would I know?
And in a white sea of eyes I see one pair that I recognize
And I knowThat I am.... The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of daysAnd passed away
I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I knowThat I am The luckiest

Every generation...

2008-02-23T12:01:00.000-05:00

Henry David Thoreau said that every generation laughs at the previous generation's fashions, but follows religiously the new. How true, how true...
I am in love with this pair of boots.... but I am imagining Madeline going through the attic one day and finding them and saying, "Mother? What on earth were you THINKING?"

Ugly or Cute?

For Real

2008-02-15T15:50:00.001-05:00

Fashion I can't belive is still acceptable or If you must wear fur please don't let it touch me

2008-02-13T15:06:00.000-05:00

Yesterday my dear husband and I celebrated Valentines Day. We decided to "beat the rush" and go out early. My mom came up to babysit so we could go out.

Too bad I accidentally poisoned him with my chili. He ate it Monday night and I don't think he came to bed the whole night he was so sick... I felt terrible! (Especially since I didn't eat any myself) I kept telling him we should cancel our evening out but he insisted we forge ahead. (Surprise surprise to anyone who knows my husband). We were going to go to Outback, but decided to go to Chilis instead since he wasn't really in the mood to eat.

Afterwards we went to Emens Auditorium at Ball State and saw "Evita." I didn't know what to expect as I had never seen it. We got settled into our seats (which were fantastic!) and right after the lights dimmer I realized I felt something hairy touching my leg. Hmmmm.....

I knew it wasn't my husband so I started groping around to see what it was. I finally latched on to a handful of what looked to be Mink.

Ok, first of all, it's Ball State people, not Broadway.

Secondly - Do people still really wear fur?

I've always been anti-fur, but especially since my Junior year of high school when I did a research paper on animal rights. I couldn't believe the laws (or lack thereof really) regarding how animals were treated who were only being raised for their skin (or our dinner tables for that matter). I remember my mom supporting me, until she saw the pile of cashmere and angora sweaters that were destined for Goodwill. I mellowed out a little when I realized that at least the animals weren't killed for their fur, as other animals were.

I just thought it todays day and age that 99.9 percent of all people felt that wearing fur was cruel and disgusting - not to mention , most of it is UGLY!

But whatever, as much as I wanted to get my red pen out and sneak "FUR IS DEAD" onto the back of the coat (my paint can was at home) I know this lady has a RIGHT to wear whatever she wants. She also has the right to wear her hair so big that I have to sit on my knees like a 5 year old to see over it.

What I hated is that I couldn't get away from it. I shifted, I sat on one leg, I crossed and uncrossed - I sat like a man- and still it was drifting down on me like a Yeti snowfall.

At least the performance was good. Rather - outstanding. I wasn't sure I'd like it going in - but it was just beyond wonderful. The young girl who played Evita was truly out of this world and I suspect she'll be quite famous someday. I pretty much annoyed Steve all the way home singing my own little variations of "Don't cry for me, Argentina." (Complete with arm raising and fake crying.)

What a trooper...

Locks of Love

2008-02-05T16:06:00.000-05:00

I really really want this hair cut - but I am a big weenie and afraid to go get it. I am afraid it's a little too much for my skinny face. However, Ms McCarthy also has a skinny face.

I mean, hair grows back right?

Just call me Oscar

2008-02-04T20:44:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lapse in posts, I've been busy with a grouchy baby (apparently we took her off the reflux medication a little too soon) and I think some of it's rubbing off on me because I've been a real wench latley. I think I'm becoming more sensitive with age. I found this the other day and couldn't believe how well it nailed me. *note to self - make husband teach me how to hyperlink!* I am a "Melancholy-Sanguine" personality.

Mr. MelSan is usually a very gifted person, fully capable of being a musician who can steal the heart of an audience. As an artist, he not only draws or paints beautifully but can sell his own work- if he's in the right mood. It is not uncommon to encounter him in the field of education, for he makes a good scholar and probably the best of all classroom teachers, particularly on the high school and college level. The melancholy in him will ferret out little-known facts and be exacting in the use of events and detail, while the sanguine will enable him to communicate well with students.
Mr. MelSan shows an interesting combination of mood swings. Be sure of this: he is an emotional creature! When circumstances are pleasing to him, he can reflect a fantastically happy mood. But if things work out badly or he is rejected, insulted, or injured, he drops into such a mood that his lesser sanguine nature drowns in the resultant sea of self pity. He is easily moved to tears, feels everything deeply, but can be unreasonably critical and hard on others. He tends to be rigid and usually will not cooperate unless things go his way, which is often idealistic and impractical. He is often a fearful, insecure man with a poor self-image which limits him unnecessarily.